Disenchanted
by Emma Swan and Regina Mills
Summary: <html><head></head>In the midst of trying to salvage their marriage, Emma and Regina begin to realize that the secrets they've been keeping are the least of their worries. With a powerful being from Rumpel and Regina's past ready to collect on an old debt, it's up to the savior and the queen to not only fight for each other, but the entire town.</html>
1. Chapter 1

Regina held a silver picture frame in her hand. Henry had taken the snapshot it contained with the camera Emma bought for their camping trip. That had been a year ago, when they were still pretending that nothing was wrong with their marriage.

In the picture, Emma was sitting beside the lake in a foldout chair, while Regina soaked her feet in the water and smiled back at her. Henry raised the camera over his head to make sure he captured them all.

For six months, the rolls of film had sat untended on Regina's desk. Henry only insisted on developing the photos after Emma moved out. He kept the album in his bedroom, but chose to hang the one photo that pained her the most in a place where she would be forced to see it daily. She returned the photo to its prominent spot on the mantel, then sat on the couch and pressed her fingers into her temples.

For Emma, it felt strange to be standing in the kitchen of a place she once called home. The lingering familiarity was offset by the occasional discovery of something different. New dishcloths in the drawer that used to hold the cutlery. New cutlery where their mugs used to sit together on the counter, waiting to be filled with their morning coffee.

Emma shook herself out of the reverie of what used to be and focused on the task at hand. Regina might have bought the decorations that she'd put up, but for once she baked the cake all by herself. She smoothed the chocolate frosting with the knife one more time and then stuck the candles into it carefully.

Content that she'd succeeded in her task, Emma left it where it was for later, when they'd surprise Henry when he got home from school. People were already showing up – Snow was happily making sandwiches while David watched and ate the scraps.

Emma took the liberty to lick the knife clean and tossed it in the sink before she double-checked the banner she'd hung over the entryway. That was when she caught sight of Regina, and it took all her willpower not to ask why she wasn't helping. "Something wrong?" she asked, jutting her chin petulantly.

Put on the defensive by the look of self-righteous judgment that she found on the savior's face, Regina offered up a bitter smile in return. "You have chocolate on your chin and your cake is lopsided. This is Henry's sixteenth birthday. I'd like it to be memorable. And not because you ruined it for him."

The rapid fire aggressiveness should have been something Emma was prepared for, but given it was their son's birthday she'd forgotten that being around Regina meant constantly shielding herself from well placed barbs. Two could play at that game. "Lopsided, huh? I guess it has that in common with your _ass_." Emma's smile was blasé as she wiped her thumb against her chin and licked it clean. Not for one second did she think that Regina wasn't perfectly proportioned, but Regina had pissed her off and now she was worried what other people would think of her cake.

For an instant, Regina's guard slipped and the ice in her eyes melted, leaving behind big wet pools that were full of sadness. In the time it took to stand and fold her arms over her chest, her nostrils flared and all evidence of her wounded feelings were gone, replaced only by rage. "That would be a convincing insult, but there's one problem with it. You practically drool every time I bend over or exit a room."

Emma snorted and looked around; it gave her time to pretend Regina's words didn't sting, and like she hadn't blushed guiltily. Especially when she remembered what it had felt like eight months ago, when every attempt at seduction had been knocked down; after a few months of that Emma had started to feel dirty for even wanting to be intimate with her wife. Then Regina had started to talk about divorce. Now here they were, in the process of it. "Oh you were expecting an insult? I thought we were just swapping facts."

Snow spotted the confrontation from where she stood in the doorway to the kitchen. She raced over at a comical speed and wedged herself between her daughter and Regina. "Henry will be home any minute," she reminded them. "Please, try to get along. For Henry's sake."

Emma offered a tense smile to her mother then bowed her head to resist any callow remarks such as 'she started it' even though, technically, that was true. Regardless, Snow was right. This wasn't about them, it was about Henry; she just had to keep that in mind when Regina was actively trying to get under her skin. It never took much, considering Emma still loved her.

Regina put some distance between herself and Emma, but as soon as Snow returned to making sandwiches, she gestured to a box by the door. "The last of your things," she explained. "You keep forgetting to take them. Here's a fact for you: if you leave them here one more time, the whole box will go out in the morning with the trash."

"Seriously? You're giving me it now?" Emma sucked in a deep breath and shook her head as she cast her gaze towards the ceiling. Of course Regina couldn't wait until tomorrow to get rid of the last remaining parts of her - that, admittedly, she'd stalled in removing herself because… Because once there was no trace of her within the walls of the mansion, it would be like she'd never lived there. It felt like she was being erased. "Fine. I have space in the bug anyway." She grumbled, and grabbed up the box before Regina said anything else.

With the worst timing imaginable, Henry burst through the door with a broad grin on his face. He sensed the tension between his moms right away and stepped by them to get to the stairs. "If you're fighting again, I'll just be in my room."

"Henry, wait," Regina pleaded, and quickly put her hand out, eager to show her son that she was capable of behaving. She placed her fingers gently on top of Emma's wrist, though even touching her soon-to-be ex was enough to make her feel lightheaded. "Your mother baked you a cake, your grandparents are here, and I have a special surprise for you. We want to have a nice afternoon. All of us. Together. Please?"

Henry shrugged off his backpack, and reluctantly headed in the direction of the kitchen. "Fine. I was hoping there would be cake."

Regina's barely there touch still managed to make Emma's heart skip a beat and for a second she truly hated how much she still craved the contact. Enough to not move from the ghosting fingertips against her wrist. "What kind of birthday doesn't have cake?" She damn well knew for sure that Henry had always had cake. Unlike herself growing up, but she'd never say that in front of her son. "Don't you dare think about taking a piece before I've lit the candles!"

Emma raised her voice as Henry walked off towards his grandparents, and rolled her eyes when he turned to smirk at her. That? That was all Regina.

Regina waited until Henry was out of earshot, and then she pulled Emma aside. "It's okay with me if you want to leave the box here until you've found a place for it. Come and get it whenever it's convenient." It wasn't an apology, but it was her best effort at being civil, for Henry's sake.

Emma frowned as her arm was tugged; she loathed how much she liked the feel of Regina's hand wrapped around her bicep. She knew she'd just have to deal with the fact that their marriage was almost officially over. In the back of her mind she'd convinced herself it wasn't too late to fix things. Only she had no idea what was broken, other than herself. "No, you're not." It wasn't said in anger, or in accusation, as Emma blinked back at Regina. It was hauntingly somber. "If you were, you wouldn't have packed it and set it by the door."

She was tired of trying to force her way into the brunette's life when the woman was trying so hard to eject her from it. Emma didn't let herself dwell on it as she shrugged out of Regina's grip and made her way outside to stash her stuff in the back seat of her car.

Unable to tear herself away from the sight of Emma packing up her final possessions, Regina stood rooted in her spot by the front door and clutched at her side in dismay. She had to swing the door shut, and if she did it a bit more forcefully than she intended, that wasn't her fault.

Outside, Archie strolled up the walkway, leading the rest of the party guests. Granny and Ruby slowed down when they saw that the back hatch of Emma's bug was open. It looked like Emma had been living out of her car these past few months.

Rumpel and Belle came after the Lucas family, and they also stopped to watch Emma struggle with the last box of her belongings.

Then Ruby rushed over to help, scooping up a bundle of shirts that had tumbled out onto the driveway. "Hey Em," she said sheepishly. "Where's the birthday boy?"

"Thanks, Ruby." Emma sighed in gratitude, even though she felt the burn of humiliation creep up her neck as the guests witnessed her struggle to push her things into the bug. She took the shirts and tossed them haphazardly into the back seat before shutting the door and pointing towards the house. "He's in the kitchen, probably trying to steal frosting before anyone catches him. I'm glad you could make it." Emma offered a small smile and walked Ruby into the house.

Snow and David greeted everyone warmly, but Regina seemed to be preoccupied.

Regina was frowning critically at the cake Emma baked for Henry, and resisting the urge to openly embarrass her ex in the presence of their family and guests. She sensed that Rumpel was staring at her in disapproval and moodily glanced in his direction.

"So, am I getting a car?" Henry asked with a lopsided grin. "Think of it this way: if I have my own car, you and mom won't have to see each other when I'm going back and forth between her apartment and the house."

There was no doubt in the Emma's mind that if getting Henry a car for his sixteenth birthday meant that Regina didn't have to look at her again, Regina would buy him one.

Snow winced a little and exchanged a worried look with Charming, who stepped in to clap a hand over Henry's shoulder. "Aren't you going to say hello to all of your guests?"

Grateful for the change in conversation, Emma joked, "Yeah kid, at least pretend you're glad to see everyone, or they might take the presents back." It was a hollow threat that Ruby and Belle chuckled at, and for a brief second she could almost pretend things were as they used to be.

Regina glowered at Emma, and then moved off to set out the food, without stopping to acknowledge anyone. She stayed in the kitchen, putting the final touches on her pasta salad while all of the guests made themselves comfortable at the table in the dining room.

Archie noticed that whoever did the seating arrangements had made a point of placing Emma as far from Regina as possible, but as soon as the former queen entered the room again, he knew distance would be no obstacle to their fighting.

"Well if I can't have a car can I at least have a motor bike?" Henry pleaded as he sat between Ruby and Archie.

"Not a chance. At this rate you'll be lucky if you get a skateboard." Emma grinned teasingly and grabbed the seat she'd been given, between Belle and David.

Henry slumped for half a second before he glanced around the table and then pointedly between his mothers. "You know, with a little magic, I bet you could make me a hover board. That would be so much cooler than a car!"

Emma rolled her eyes but a lazy grin tugged at her lips. It would be cruel to point out that he couldn't pick his friends up or take a future date out on a ride on one of those things. "Nice try kid, but we don't play around with magic. You know that."

A sudden snort from Ruby earned the tall brunette several bewildered glances, Emma's among them. "Was it yesterday or the day before that you were adding sprinkles to everyone's drinks at the diner?"

All attention shifted back to Emma, and she blatantly ignored Snow's raised eyebrow as she muttered quietly, "I wasn't playing. I was practicing. There's a difference."

"Right, there's a huge difference between putting sprinkles on your hot cocoa and adding them to Leroy's whiskey." Ruby's smile was mischievous, until a well-placed elbow from Granny wiped it from her face.

"That happened one time." Emma hissed quietly, and ignored the way the woman mouthed 'twice' to Belle who tried to hide her laughter.

At her place on the far side of the room, Regina thought back to all of the early birthdays, when she and Henry were alone. Her son had trouble making friends, so she was never able to throw the types of parties that most parents gave their children. But she always spoiled him with gifts and sweets, up until the day that he turned ten years old. He spent that birthday in his room, after slamming the door shut and shouting in her face that he hated her.

For all of his smart mouthed remarks and insensitivity, Regina noticed a sadness in her son's eyes whenever he glanced between his two mothers. She knew he was upset about the divorce, and it bothered her more that he chose to quietly shoulder that burden instead of screaming out loud about it.

She sat in an armchair and absently ran her hand over her stomach, while she stared emptily at the gathering.

In a small box wrapped in silver paper was a set of keys to a truck that Regina left in Rumpel's driveway. She waved her hand and the gift vanished, reappearing in a place that Henry would never look - in a shoebox, at the back of her closet. She chose not to think about the fears or sentiments behind the last minute decision.

She had been thinking of a million ways to insult Emma - she could ask if a skateboard was all that the sheriff could afford, or she might point out the crumbs on her shirt, or draw attention to the rip in the woman's jeans. There were so many chinks in Emma's armor these days.

Instead, she picked up the bowl with her pasta salad and scooped some onto a paper plate. "You always said this was your favorite," she softly explained and extended her hand.

The moment Regina passed the paper plate to Emma all humor drained from the guests and the blonde shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah," Emma said quietly, because she didn't know what else to say with everyone listening. She struggled to swallow the lump in her throat but managed to flash a watery smile at Regina as she took the pasta salad. "Thank you."

"While we're on the subject of sprinkles and magic," Regina quickly added, "did you use a spell to bake Henry's birthday cake? Because I wouldn't be surprised, quite frankly." For a change, Regina's remarks were playful rather than harsh, and she even wore a hint of a smile. "You nearly burnt down the house the last time you made brownies -"

"Actually, I helped her bake it," Snow interjected, seeming uneasy. "Emma made the frosting all on her own, though."

"No wonder it's so lopsided," Regina dryly replied.

"We did what we could," Snow defensively insisted. She noted the sudden difference in Regina's behavior with unease - she had seen these drastic mood swings before, usually when the woman was in the middle of an emotional crisis.

"And I'm taking cooking lessons," Emma mumbled, bristling at being criticized in front of everyone. Did Regina really have to humiliate her on the kid's birthday?

"It looks delicious," Henry assured his grandmother, and then stuck his fork into the plate of pasta salad that Regina gave to Emma.

Emma's mood plummeted much like Henry's fork in her pasta, and she pushed the plate towards him without even tasting it. "You can have it kid, I don't have much of an appetite."

"So," Archie helpfully chimed in, sensing trouble and wishing to avoid it. "What are your birthday wishes this year, Henry? Any special requests?"

Henry shrugged at Archie's question and scooped another forkful of pasta salad into his mouth. "I think I've learned enough about the cost of wishes. I won't ever make any." It had been meant as a joke but they all knew how serious he was.

"Well what do you want? There must be something," Belle added softly with a smile.

Henry shrugged again, but when he spoke it was to his plate. "I just want everybody to be happy."

Regina swallowed thickly and stared at a fixed spot in the air, then swept her pitiless eyes over to Emma. "We are happy," she stated, and a rich laugh came from somewhere deep inside of her, from the dark void in her heart that had been opened once again. "I've never been happier," she said, in the voice of the Queen. She glanced coldly from face to face, considering each of her guests while she wore a poisonous smile.

Emma met Regina's gaze head on with an incredulous look of her own. They weren't happy. She sure as hell wasn't happy. The mocking challenge in Regina's laughter caused the muscles in Emma's jaw to jump, and she resisted the urge to call Regina on her bullshit. Not right now. Not in front of the kid, and not in front of everyone anxiously studying their plates.

Miraculously, Regina snapped herself out of it, and dug her fingernails into her palm to keep from slipping back into old habits. But she made the mistake of peering back at Emma, at the hole in the savior's favorite old jeans, and before she knew it, she was saying, "you might also want to learn how to sew, now that you're making the attempt to act like a grown up and cook for yourself..."

Emma wasn't surprised when Regina directed another insult her way. The tone acerbic, the words as sharp as knives. No, there was no surprise. Only anger on Emma's part. The quiet, dangerous kind that bubbled beneath the surface while she looked on with a stolid expression.

"Regina," Snow begged. "Please don't."

"Oh, I didn't mean to insult you," Regina told Emma, although she was smirking. "My apologies, dear. Now, would you like to light Henry's birthday candles, or shall I?"

"You didn't." Emma spat back through a smile. Though her green eyes seemed darker than moments before as she held Regina's gaze. It was Emma's way of letting her know she saw through her. Though she did laugh herself when Regina tried to offer her the invitation to light the stupid god damn candles on the cake the brunette clearly hated. "You know what, why don't y-"

"You get the gifts ready, and we'll bring in the cake?" David cut his daughter off before the situation got any more volatile, and proceeded to drag her into the kitchen away from everyone else in the hopes of granting her breathing space.

Emma's hands balled into fists and for a second all she could do was slowly turn in a circle as she established there was nothing she could release her frustration on. Impulsively she grabbed the nearest dishcloth and pressed it against her mouth to stifle her scream.

The sound of Emma's muffled screams caused Regina to frown. If she was being honest with herself, she would have realized that the only reason she delighted in getting Emma worked up was because every time she succeeded in ruffling the swan's feathers, she could be sure that Emma's love for her still existed.

Beneath all of the raw hatred and betrayed feelings was an attraction, a bond so strong that not even their impending divorce could sever it.

Regina exhaled breathlessly, soothed by the rush of blood that pounded through her heart, the hot white fury in her veins. Then, all at once, she wanted to cry - but she wouldn't give in to such foolish compulsions. Instead, she glided into the dining room to collect the gifts, and paused to eavesdrop on David and Emma.

"I'm sorry, Emma," David sighed. "We'll help you get through this. The party, and the divorce. You just have to hang in there."

He wrapped an arm around Emma's back and held his grown daughter for a moment. He kissed her forehead and then moved away to light the candles on the cake.

As always, David's advice for his daughter was predictable and useless. Regina rolled her eyes and sneered, unaware that she was being watched.

Archie had followed Regina into the dining room. She didn't realize he was there until he interrupted her thoughts by asking "is there anything you want to discuss? You've been coming to see me these last few months, Regina, but I still haven't figured out what's going on with you. It seems that most of the time, you act impulsively, and against your own wishes. Why do you seem so determined to make Emma your enemy? If you feel that parting with her is inevitable, wouldn't it be best to go your separate ways without this added heartache?"

"No," Regina bitterly replied.

Archie took a tentative step closer, his naturally soft voice lowered further as he tried to make sense of the mess Regina was so intent to make. "Often, we seek to hurt others before they have a chance to hurt us. It creates a wall of sorts, one to hide behind. It grants us the illusion of power when really what we feel is vulnerable, so the higher we build, and the more we hide. Do you…" Archie paused. One nervous fingertip pushed up his glasses and he bowed his head. "Forgive me for asking, Regina, but do you still have feelings for her? There's no judgment here…"

Emma was oblivious to the conversation happening beyond the open door. She still struggled with physical affection from her parents because it had the added bonus of making her feel vulnerable even as it granted comfort, and so it was with a heavy heart that she stepped out of David's embrace and flung the dishcloth onto the nearest counter. "You know I used to believe that. I thought if I did what Regina wanted, moved out, gave her space, that maybe we'd talk about why she suddenly couldn't stand to be around me anymore. But the way she's acting now?"

The blonde shook her head and blinked back the swirling emotions that threatened to take hold of her. She wouldn't cry on Henry's birthday, well at least not here, where Regina could pounce on it and claim that she'd ruined everything all over again. "She hates me…" Emma's tone was devastated, and her voice wobbled slightly, betraying her on some level by exposing how very close she was to breaking down.

With a sniff and a quick bounce on her heels, Emma tried to rid herself of the emotions she didn't want to face and turned her attention on the cake. With the candles flickering brightly it didn't look so bad, and yet she hesitated before attempting to pick it up. "I should have just bought the damn thing." She hissed, as if it were the cake's fault it looked somewhat like a mudslide. "What if the candles topple over and set the carpet on fire? What if it tastes as bad as it looks?"

David put an end to Emma's mild hysteria by lifting the cake up and announcing, "Where this is going it won't matter what it looks like, and hey, it's chocolate. It's going to taste just fine. Come on, we better get back before Henry think's we've ate it ourselves." Then, with a gentle nod of his head towards the door, they made their way back to the party.

"I'm not hiding from anything!" Regina raged, as she followed Emma with her eyes and then balled her fists as though she was considering squashing the bug. "Go back to the party and chirp in someone else's ear. I didn't pay for this session." She thought she knew exactly what she was doing; she intentionally provoked Emma, not only to make sure the woman was still emotionally invested, but also because she wanted the savior to agree to the divorce. Her peace of mind depended on it - she would continue to push Emma away whenever necessary, and pull Emma close when it suited her.

In the current moment, she preferred to keep Emma at arm's length, because in two day's time, they would have to sign the divorce papers. Once that happened, she believed a great burden would be lifted from her heart. It would change them, of course - the finality of it might keep Emma away for a while, but over time they might be friends again. Over time, Regina would learn how to regard Emma the way she once had, and there would be no risk of...

Her mind cut her off at the sudden lurching of her stomach; she felt Archie reach for her, touch her arm, but she was already hurrying away from him, and rushing back into the living room.

Regina's sorrowful eyes sought out Emma's and in her weakness, she almost dragged Emma aside and confessed to everything. But the candles were burning brightly between them, and all of the guests were singing _Happy Birthday_, and Henry blew hard but didn't make a wish.

Whether she liked to admit it or not, and right then she'd deny it with her dying breath, Emma always scanned whatever room she was in, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of Regina. It was beyond her control, she would always be drawn to the woman, even when her heart was breaking. Despite being surrounded by the people she loved a stab of pain shot through her at the emotion in the brunette's gaze, and her first instinct was to rush to her side. Only, she couldn't. So she stood there, helpless, with everyone else and sang to Henry, while her gaze lingered on her wife in the hopes of conveying that she was still cared. That she still loved.

Regina broke eye contact with Emma and clasped her hands tightly together as Snow offered to cut up the cake. Everyone took a piece and started eating, praising Emma's newly acquired baking skill. "Way better than I expected," Ruby admitted honestly. "I think it's even better than Granny's -"

Regina would have liked to taste the cake, but she might not keep it down.

Henry ate most of the cake himself, and then began tearing open his presents: Rumpel gave him a pocket watch and, Belle brought him a set of books; Ruby's gift was a bottle of cologne and some cold hard cash. Snow knitted Henry a sweater that was both sentimental and hideous, but she and Charming also gave him new clothing and video games, and several heirlooms befitting a young prince.

Regina's gifts were costly and carefully selected - a new leather saddle, camping equipment, and a laptop he needed for school. The last was a scrapbook of sorts, since he cherished pictures so much. The pages included photos of the two of them when he was younger, but there was also a whole section dedicated to Emma - a photo of the savior when she was only eighteen, along with a few other small items that were with him when he had been turned over by social services. At the end of the book were pictures of the three of them as a family, from better times.

The presents were all thoughtful, and some were particularly pricey – and then there was Emma's awkwardly wrapped, small package. The blonde nervously stuffed her hands into her back pockets and cringed slightly as the kid tore the gift open. Though she relaxed considerably when he gave a whoop of joy over his new iPhone. "I had a guy put on a ton of apps and games, and it's got all our numbers programmed in. Happy birthday, kid."

Henry rewarded her with a bright grin, and began playing with the apps on his new phone until Charming suggested they test out his new video games. The two of them goaded Ruby and Rumpel into playing, while Granny, Snow and Belle went to drink tea in the kitchen.

Emma caught herself smiling at the sight of Rumple being taught 'the magic of gaming' from Henry, but her smile faltered as she turned to find Regina standing next to her.

"Emma?" Regina asked softly. "May I have a word?" She gestured to their mudroom, which stored their laundry machine and dryer.

The look Emma gave the brunette asked what the hell she'd done wrong now, but the words that left her mouth were, "Sure, no problem. Lead the way." Once they'd ventured away from everyone else and Emma's anxiety threatened to reach its peak, the blonde sucked in a deep breath and swallowed the urge to raid the liquor cabinet. This wasn't her home anymore. "So…" She said, and stuffed her hands into her back pockets. "What's on your mind?"

Regina stole a glance down at Emma's soft, pink mouth and thought how easy it would be to kiss the savior, to back the woman against the far wall of the mudroom, where they would be out of earshot so long as neither of them moaned or screamed. She did push Emma gently into the mudroom, but once they were inside, she pressed herself against the shut door and forged ahead along the hard path of lies she paved for herself. "It's time I explained myself," she carefully began, "You're always asking me why, and the truth is, there wasn't... a specific reason."

She recalled the day when Emma sat in a chair in her office, claiming that she could always tell when the brunette was lying. Then she lost her nerve to go on, and placed a hand on Emma's shoulder. Her fingers were curling through Emma's hair, and she stepped nearer, as close as she had been when they danced together at their wedding or lay beside each other in bed at night. With an exhausted sigh, she held onto Emma and rested her head on the woman's shoulder, soaking in the comfort that the contact provided. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry…. that we ended up being wrong for each other."

Emma found the mixed signals almost as maddening as the lies Regina currently attempted to spoon feed her and she would have said as much had her breath not caught in her throat at the close proximity of the woman. Sure, the past six months had minimized their contact, what with being cast out of the mansion like an evil spirit, but her body… It craved Regina's touch, her very presence so close that she could inhale the mixture of clean scents and perfume with each breath. If Regina were a drug, Emma knew she was an addict, and that was why even as her body hummed, her stomach churned, and she broke out in a cold sweat. "Regina, that's not true, I know when you're lying. I _always_ know when you're lying."

Even as her mind screamed to create distance, her heart screamed just as loud to grab Regina; to take her right there against the door until the woman forgot about wanting a divorce, until she forgot everything except Emma's name, and the insanity just stopped so the world could make sense again. "Don't say that. We're not wrong. We fit together like jigsaw pieces. You know it. I know it. Everyone in this whole damn town knows it. Regina, please…" The blonde whispered against dark hair, not quite against an ear for fear of crossing a line and being punished for it. "Just tell me what happened." She pleaded, and if her voice hitched from the emotion, or her chin trembled, well she carried right on anyway. "One day we were great and then… And then it was like you couldn't stand the sight of me and I know we didn't fight; I would have remembered, I would have brought you flowers, I would have made it up to you…" Unshed tears caused her vision to blur. "I would have fixed it."

Emma straightened up to take in a stuttered breath, to try and compose herself as best she could, before confessing something she swore she wouldn't ever say again. "I love you." She choked out. "Do you honestly not love me any more?" This was it, the question Emma never had the courage to ask before because she knew, whatever the answer was, she'd have to accept it. Even if it shattered her into million pieces.

"I wish I _never _loved you."

Regina's chest rose and fell with a harsh shudder, and her eyes were like two spots of black ink when she stole a glance up at Emma. Mascara ran down her cheek in a crooked flourish, as if someone signed off on this misery. "Nothing can change how I feel. I made a mistake when it comes to us and I have to live with the consequences of that. So do you."

Regina stepped out of Emma's way and held the door open for her. "You should go."


	2. Chapter 2

Snow vowed that she would _never_ meddle in Emma's love life again, but after Henry's birthday party and two long nights of listening to Emma crying herself to sleep, she decided to intervene.

Her plan for intervention involved Winifred McCurnin, who had a freckled nose and a shock of straight, flame red hair that she recently cut to a length just below her chin. She joined Snow's book club some time during the curse, and while the two of them had never been friends, they at least shared the same tastes in books.

As Snow was pouring herself a cup of coffee and preparing for an hour long discussion about a Pearl S. Buck novel, she began to see Winifred in a very new light.

"I just broke up with my girlfriend," Winifred sighed. "Well, it happened three weeks ago, but she came by today to pick up her stuff."

Snow perked up at the news; it was only when her face began to ache from smiling that she remembered she should be frowning. "Hey... Winifred, what are you doing later?" she hurriedly asked. "Want to come to dinner at Granny's?"

"Sure," Winifred shrugged. "Why not?"

The truth was that Snow knew almost nothing about Winifred, but the Sapphic population of Storybrooke seemed dismally low, and surely Winifred would jump at the chance to go out to dinner with the savior. If Emma would only see herself as desirable, it might give her the boost of confidence it seemed she so desperately needed.

An hour later, Snow flung the door to the apartment open and found her daughter where she knew Emma would be - on the couch, with a beer and a bag of chips. She brushed the crumbs off of Emma's tank top and then sat down beside the blonde. "Guess what," she rambled. "We're going out tonight. I'm going to pick your outfit. Why don't you go and take a shower? You know, I shouldn't have made that a question. It's a statement. You need to shower and please, brush your hair... It looks like there are birds nesting in it. "

Emma didn't have a problem with alcohol - in fact she got along pretty well with it. She was currently on her second beer and was considering having one or two more before inevitably crawling into bed with the desire to just forget her life. Sometimes, in her darkest moments, as she relived the haunting moment of Regina stating she wished she'd never loved her, Emma found herself wishing she'd never met the woman. She'd been fine before, hadn't she? Okay so she had no family, she lived alone, and she didn't have any friends but at least her heart had been intact. At least she could fall asleep to the idea of what it would feel like to have it all. Now she knew, and it had been taken away like it had at so many foster homes…

"Why are we going out? More specifically, _where_ are we going? Do I have to go?" Emma's slight grunt was only due to the not so subtle hint to go shower. Emma personally thought she smelled fine, and so what if her hair was a little tuggy, it had been windy all day. Sometimes the blonde found herself doing what was asked of her just to get away from being pestered. "Fine, but no cardigans, I draw the line at that." Emma huffed as she stood up and winced as her back cracked.

Twenty minutes later and she was standing in her bedroom wrapped in a towel with a horrified expression on her face. It had to be a joke. As if her life wasn't a big enough one already. Why would Snow ever think it would be okay to pick _that_? "It's floral." Emma finally choked out as her eyes danced across the monstrosity of white and pink with a splash of yellow. It reminded her of commercials with happy couples on picnics.

"It's pretty, and you look great in it. The yellow will go with your hair and the pink will bring out the color of your cheeks." Snow beamed at her daughter, then her face lit up as she added, "And I haven't put you in a cardigan."

"It's winter. _In Maine_." Emma blurted incredulously. If she wore the dress and didn't die from humiliation, she'd surely end up with hypothermia. Well… Maybe that wouldn't be so bad. Perhaps if she were ill enough, she'd stop thinking about the meeting scheduled with the lawyers tomorrow.

"You'll be in a car. It's not like we'll be walking down the street for goodness sake. Now put it on. We need to leave soon. Your father is already home and getting changed." With that said, Snow gave her best motherly glare of warning, and then flounced out of the room, clearly ecstatic that her plan was working.

Emma slumped, yet still came out of her room fifteen minutes later with her hair dried and the dress on.

David saw the glum look on Emma's face and frowned sympathetically. "Let me guess – Snow dressed you?" He clapped his daughter on the shoulder and went to get her coat, then held it up while Emma put her arms through the sleeves. "I'm glad she's letting me dress myself these days…"

"I'm glad you've finally learned how!" Snow came out from the alcove behind the stairs where she and David still slept, and together the family headed out the door. Flurries began to fall as they walked to Granny's, and a thin crust of ice crunched under their boots. They left behind a trail of footprints by the time they shuffled into the diner.

By the time they got inside, the blonde's pale skin was ever so slightly blue, which Snow would no doubt say matched her jacket. It wasn't until the heat hit her that she remembered the woman had said they were driving. "So much for the car," she muttered quietly.

"Oh hush, the walk wasn't that far and the fresh air does you good." Snow smiled, and casually pushed her daughter forward as they made their way to the table where a friendly redhead offered her a dazzling smile and her hand.

"I'm Winnie," the redhead purred.

Emma shook Winnie's hand without giving it much thought. After all, it wasn't the first time Snow had dragged her along to dinner with her friends. "Hey, Winnie, I'm-"

"Emma, I know, everyone does. I mean, you saved us all, and you're the sheriff." Winnie laughed softly, the freckles on her cheeks partially hidden by her blush as the savior sat down next to her. The girl wore a plush green sweater and comfy, flared jeans that Emma instantly envied.

The blonde offered an amused smile in return because she was used to people blurting out that sort of thing when she met them. Apparently that was just how life was now. She didn't need to introduce herself, she was famous in the small town, and though she knew that nobody meant any harm by it, it still grated on her nerves.

"Winnie and I met at Book Club," Snow chirped happily, as she scooted into the booth across from the redhead and her daughter.

"Book Club huh? She isn't making you read Sylvia Plath, is she?" Emma cringed at the idea of The Bell Jar. Why Snow had thought she'd enjoy reading it after being evicted from Regina's house, their house, she would never know.

Winnie gave Emma a bashful grin while Snow kicked her daughter under the table.

David was entirely too busy trying to get Ruby's attention because he was starving.

"Oh no…" Winnie said, and she tilted her head to look at Emma coyly, "Right now we're reading Fifty Shades of Grey."

Emma's eyes widened incredulously at her mother, "You're reading _what?_" So caught up in her surprise she didn't realize what she was saying as she carried on with, "Beside the fact that it's atrocious, it grossly misrepresents the BDSM lifestyle. I mean seriously, even Wikipedia is more accurate than that trash."

Snow's eyes widened in disbelief but Winnie's widened for entirely different reasons.

"We're actually reading _The Good Earth_," Snow cut in, "Winnie was joking." She warmed her hands over a cup of cocoa that Ruby brought over. "But we can have a discussion about this later when we get home."

Ruby was all smiles as she passed a cup of hot cocoa to Emma. "It's about time that someone gave her the sex talk."

"What?" David's skin burned hotly at the topic of conversation. He wished, for what he expected wouldn't be the only time that evening, that Snow had decided to call this a ladies' night.

Winnie clasped her hands under her chin and leaned closer to Emma. "So, what are your hobbies? Aside from whips and reading Wikipedia?"

Distracted by her warm, sugary beverage, Emma overlooked the playful mention of whips, viewing it as an icebreaker and nothing more.

Ruby, however, picked up on what was going on immediately and shot a wide-eyed look towards Snow, who tried to shoo her way with her eyes.

"Oh I don't really have any." Emma said with a slight shrug, then tilted her head as she thought. "Gaming I guess. Darts. Does alcohol count?"

Winnie frowned and fluttered her eyelashes out of boredom, but mustered a polite smile for Emma. "Sure."

"Emma also loves camping," Snow put in, "And she's learning how to cook." She buttered a roll from the basket of bread that Ruby brought to the table and did her best to let Emma take control of the conversation.

Emma frowned slightly as her mother interjected, then added offhandedly, "Well if we're counting skills as hobbies I used to be a bail bonds person, so I'm pretty damn good at finding people and things." Later she would realize she sounded just like her parents, always proclaiming to find each other.

"Are you a natural blonde?" Winnie asked. She licked her lips wolfishly and glanced down at Emma's floral ensemble.

"Yes," Snow replied. "She takes after her father that way…"

"I…" Emma faltered, but once again Snow stepped in and answered for her. She shot her mother an annoyed glance and wondered if she looked as confused as David.

"Anyway, what do you do, Winnie? I think I've seen you before but I can't remember where. Do you have job or are you in college?" It puzzled her for a second, but her attention was caught by Ruby trying to wave to her.

Snow shot up abruptly before Emma had the chance and announced, "I think she's asking about our order, I'll be right back."

David was in the middle of scarfing down a piece of bread; he gave Emma a helpless look and then followed his wife. "_We'll_ be right back, it seems…."

"I'm a teacher," Winnie replied, leaning closer to Emma. "A pre-school teacher, actually. I like being around the kids, but in my free time... my hobbies are... very adult." She tapped at the table with her fingertips, and then put her hand over Emma's wrist. "What about you? I mean, I know you're the sheriff... but do you like to use your handcuffs off the clock?"

In all honesty Emma didn't see the problem with being left alone with Winnie, especially when she learned what her occupation was.

Oh, how wrong she had been. Heat flared up Emma's neck and she laughed nervously as one hand tightened around her cup, "Oh yeah?" She heard herself say, and it was more out of panic than anything else. Winnie's hand was gentle, and her fingers were smooth against her skin. Even though the divorce was almost final, she couldn't help but think of Regina. But eight months without physical contact had her body screaming for more. Emma tried to ignore it and in the process blurted out exactly what she hadn't meant to: "Well sure that's half the fun of having handcuffs." She rushed on with, "I mean not lately."

_No_, that was worse, shit. The only help her mind gave was to evacuate the table so Emma stood up rather red faced and mumbled, "Excuse me a moment, I need to go to the bathroom."

"No problem." Winnie coquettishly raised an eyebrow at Emma, and as the savior headed towards the restroom, she decided to follow. As soon as the door closed behind them, she was reaching for Emma and pulling up the bottom of the floral skirt. "This is cute," she quietly laughed. "Something out of your mom's closet? Definitely not your style. Let's take it off."

Emma had been oblivious until she heard the woman's steps behind her, and she turned just in time to see the redhead's hand smooth down her shoulder to grasp her bicep. Emma's lips parted so a startled little gasp could be drawn in and it took a second for her mind to catch up to the fact that Winnie's other hand was coiling around the bottom of her dress. She nodded dumbly when asked about it being her mother's and shut her eyes as temptation flushed through her system. "I-I can't," she croaked. "I'm married."

Winnie backed off in confusion and glared at Emma as she laughed, "What! You're married? Does your mom know that? Because she set me up on a blind date with you. I thought you and the… Evil Queen were getting a divorce?" She reached for a paper towel, wet it and then used it to cool her neck.

The sudden shift in Winnie's behavior made Emma bristle, and she squared her shoulders as if she were wearing her leather jacket and not a skimpy summer dress. "She did _what_?" Emma was going to kill Snow, but maybe after she got done with Winnie, because not only did she slap her with a harsh reality, she made a huge mistake with her word choice. "You're right, I am getting a divorce, but if you _ever_ call Regina that again, _I'll_ show you evil." She stomped by the girl with a glare of her own and snarled, "Have a great night."

Emma scanned the room for her mother and when she caught sight of her, everyone else faded away and she made a beeline for the woman. "Did you honestly dress me up to bring me on a blind date with a girl who tried to coax me into having sex in a bathroom ten minutes after meeting her?" The fact that Emma had momentarily felt aroused by it was beside the point, as far as she was concerned.

"_What?"_ Snow gasped. "No! I just thought it might help you to know that you're still desirable. You've been so hard on yourself lately. You don't know what went wrong in your marriage, but you assume that it's all your fault. It isn't your fault, Emma!"

"Yeah well…"

_Fuck. _It had helped, even though it had been fleeting_._ "You know what, that's irrelevant, you can't just set me up with someone without telling me first! And so what if I assume that? It could be my fault, you don't know." It was petty and stupid but it had struck a nerve. Emma was so focused on Snow she forgot where they were, didn't even register the hushed silence as everyone listened.

"No, Emma," Snow pleaded. "This is just how Regina is... You'll never figure out how her mind works. Please, stop blaming yourself, and for your sake and Henry's sake, start living again."

"Don't you dare talk about her like that!" Emma snapped. "I'll blame myself if I want, and I have a life!" She grabbed her blue leather jacket, which she slipped on and zipped up angrily. "In fact, I'm going to go live it right now."

It hit her like the flurry of snow to the face that had she grown up with her parents, that little fight would have been similar to ones they would have had when she was a teenager. "See you later."

The bells on the door jangled as Regina entered with Henry in tow, but she had no sooner stepped towards the coat rack before she came to a grinding halt. She caught sight of Emma, whose face was red and flustered, and quietly told Henry to have a seat in their usual booth. As Emma left without so much as glancing her way, she went after the blonde, so fast that she nearly slipped on the icy path. "Emma!" she rasped out. "Wait. You don't have to leave the diner just because I showed up..."

The sound of her name made Emma spin around, and the vitriol she was about to spit out died on her tongue as she realized it wasn't her mother or Winnie. It was her soon to be ex-wife. For a second she just stood there, until the bitter wind shook her out of it and she folded her arms around herself. "Regina... I didn't even see you come in." Even against the elements her face still burned, and Emma shrugged lightly, "I wouldn't do that. Leave just because you were there."

Regina shielded herself against the glacial air by pulling her jacket tighter. "Oh," she blinked. "Alright, then." Shivering, she took another step towards Emma and then glanced out at the street. "In that case, get home safely. We're supposed to have a storm. And Emma? Consider wearing a warmer jacket this week. The one with the fur lining is better suited for a night like this one. You'll freeze..." She removed the thick sable scarf from around her neck and arranged it around Emma's face. "Good night."

Emma wondered if Regina really cared, or if the woman just acted out of habit. She realized she didn't want to know as her eyes began to water, but she pretended that was due to the cold wind and not the scent of Regina that clung to the scarf now wrapped around her. Of course she mentioned her jacket and didn't spare a glance at the dress. Why that offended Emma she didn't know. Actually, that was a lie, she did know. "I'll return the scarf tomorrow at the meeting," Emma said thickly. "Enjoy your dinner."

"I'm not very hungry," Regina softly admitted. "But Henry's growing so fast, I can't seem to keep the kitchen cabinets stocked, as you well know." She eyed the floral disaster underneath Emma's coat - she didn't need to mention the dress. She had already guessed that it came from Snow. "The meeting," she muttered, as if she had forgotten. "Right. Tomorrow." Her teeth chattered as she bent her head, unable to look at the other woman. "When I said that I wished I never loved you... I meant it because I see how you're hurting now and I can't bear the thought that I'm the cause of your pain. I do love you, Emma. I still love you. But true love isn't as powerful as the stories would have you believe. It can't always fix things." She let out a warm, quick breath and tucked her numb hands into her pockets. "I'll see you tomorrow," she muttered, and then disappeared into the diner.

**AN:** Thank you to everyone who left us thoughtful reviews on the first chapter, and to all who added us to alerts and favorites! Reviews and feedback help keep us motivated. We appreciate it very much.

We should mention that the reason we say "we" is because this is a collaborative effort between two writers. The story is quite long already, and we're hoping to continue doing quick updates. We're thinking it will be updated weekly, sometimes bi-weekly, except for this week when you'll be getting a total of 3 chapters. So, yeah, if you're enjoying this, check back tomorrow. The next chapter gets intense.


	3. Chapter 3

Emma knew the exact time the meeting took place but she still turned up ten minutes late with her shoulders slumped in defeat. She sat next to her lawyer and avoided the curious gaze of Mr. Gold who sat next to Regina. She couldn't look at the woman as she pushed the scarf across the table with a mumbled, "Thanks."

Last night, when she'd gotten home, she'd showered and crawled into bed. The scarf had been wrapped around half of her pillow like she were some lovesick teenager, and in a moment of sheer weakness, she'd touched herself to the memory of Regina saying she still loved her. Unfortunately, all her climax had brought her was tears. The rest of the brunette's words haunted her until she finally succumbed to a restless sleep.

Now she just wanted to get the meeting over with before she threw up in front of everyone.

"Right then," Rumple began softly, and cast a glance around the table. "Shall we begin?"

Regina wore all black, and if not for a printed scarf with a small splash of blue in it, she would have looked like she was attending a funeral. She kept her hands folded in front of her, and stared down at her finger where her wedding ring used to be. For all of the kindness she showed Emma during the previous evening, her mood had blackened that morning and her regret turned to anger. After Henry was out the door to school, she bundled up and went for a stroll in the cemetery. She brought along white roses for her parents, but left the flowers on the frigid marble floor and descended into her hidden lair. All morning, she sat in her secret room and cried – then she broke every last one of her mirrors in a fit of rage.

At the meeting table, Regina was deadly quiet and only flicked her long lashes at Rumpel to give him the go ahead.

Dissatisfied with her nonverbal answer, Rumpel shut his folders and stood up. "Regina, come with me," he commanded, and from the way he tapped his cane, she sensed he would pull back her chair if she didn't listen.

She met him in the adjoining office, and stuck out her chin ruefully to show her displeasure. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Get Emma to sign the papers so we can leave."

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Rumpel asked her.

"It's what we're here to do," Regina insisted. "This has gone on for long enough. I can't... talk to her, I can't explain what happened. I need this to be over with - get her to sign."

"The problem with that," Rumple began sternly, though his voice was hushed, "is the fact that it will never be over. Do you honestly think signing a slip of paper will end all this? She has no closure, which prevents you from getting closure. You always think you know what's best but I'm telling you, this will fix nothing."

While Regina and Rumpel were having their chat, Emma scowled down at the paperwork as if it was responsible for everything. The coffee she'd forced down her throat churned in her stomach and she swallowed thickly. Since when was she this pathetic? God damn it, she'd taken a chainsaw to the apple tree the third day she was in town and that had been over petty disagreements.

"Why am I making this easy for her? I don't want a divorce. She does." The cogs in Emma's head began to turn as her scowl deepened. "Just because I love her doesn't mean I should give her everything she wants. What about what I want, huh?"

"Oh, I'm not sure that's the best way to think of it," came the nervous reply from her lawyer, who wore a grey suit and tapped his pen restlessly against the desk.

"I'm not talking to you Jeff! Let me think," Emma snapped. Had this not been about divorce she would have laughed at the way the lawyer hunched down in his seat like a chastised dog. "No, I'm not making this easy. No more mess free agreements," she said under her breath as her eyes darkened. "I'm going to complicate the hell out of it."

While Emma's resolve was growing, Regina launched into a heated debate with Rumpel.

"Signing those papers will end our marriage," she stated flatly. "Emma is stubborn and strong... but even she won't hold out hope after our names are on those legally binding documents." She doubted that Emma would be discouraged by a purely symbolic act, but what other choice was there? She tried to make Emma hate her, and failed. What else could she do?

"I can't go on like this," Regina softly conceded. There were black shadows under her eyes - her sleep had been disrupted by the sudden change in her life. Her mind was affected by it, and in her nightmares, she dreamt of the past and what the future might have held in store for her.

With a speed in her step, she hastened back into the office and searched for the appropriate forms herself. She pushed the divorce papers in front of Emma and grabbed a pen. "Sign," she demanded.

Rumpel followed after Regina and waited to see what Emma would do. "There are three places, dearie, that require your signature..." He pointed to the helpful tabs that marked the locations on the papers.

The change in Emma's posture was significant. No longer hunched over, she sat with her back straight and her shoulders as square as her strong jaw. The hopelessness in her eyes had been overtaken by fire and she snorted as Rumple helped her out with where her signature needed to be.

For a second as she lifted the pen up, it looked like she was about to sign, but instead she put the cap on it and slid it over to Jeff as she locked eyes with Regina. "No," she sneered, and then shook her head.

To hell with what people thought, or what was appropriate. Something inside Emma had snapped like a worn out rubber band, and she stood up just to splay her hands against the table so she could lean over to get in Regina's face.

"For months I've asked you, _begged_ you, to tell me what the problem is, what the big secret is, and all I've gotten were your hate and your lies. Well guess what, _I'm done._" Emma straightened up with a nasty smirk and she allowed all the anger inside herself to fuel her on as she glared at the brunette.

"You want a divorce? Well I want the truth," Emma spat out, and fuck if it didn't feel good to get it all off her chest. "So it looks like we're both going to have to deal with the disappointment of not getting what we want. Suck it up, _Your Majesty_, because I'm not going anywhere."

Confrontation always riled Regina and brought a welcome flood of adrenaline to her veins that allowed her to strike out with all of the stinging precision of a cracking whip.

Never before had a confrontation startled and perplexed her the way it did when Emma refused her. "What?" she croaked incredulously. "You will sign these papers! Rumpel..."

Her face scrunched desperately, and her heart pounded in her chest - she had no fight in her, no comeback as Emma told her the terms and conditions of proceeding with the divorce.

Rumpel would have intervened, but he doubted that he could get himself between the Queen and the Savior; he chose to look the other way while Regina backed herself into a corner.

Regina shut her eyes, and sought brutal, heart-crushing words; all she needed to do was hurt Emma enough to get her recant her threats. _I can't trust you! There's only one reason I ever kept secrets, and that's because I know I can't confide in you._

How strange that her first line of defense was, in some way, the truth. But she didn't speak aloud.

"If you won't sign, I'm leaving. I hoped to do this peacefully, but if you'd rather we do this the hard way, that's fine by me. Move aside."

The fact that Regina didn't lash out surprised Emma, but more than that it invigorated her, and suddenly she felt empowered. In touch with her core being. The fighter. The survivor. And oh, was she _pissed._ "So there _is_ a secret! That's just perfect. Maybe I didn't fuck everything up like you've let me believe for nearly a year. What did you do, Regina? Something you're ashamed of? Because last night you told me you still loved me and that wasn't a lie, so what the hell are you hiding that you think this is the answer? You think I won't stand by you if I knew? Well you're a coward."

Emma had officially handed in all her fucks, and now with none left to give, she finally felt like she could breathe again. Sure, she might destroy herself and Regina in the process but at least it would be on her terms. So it was with a smile that she sidestepped to let the brunette by, but just before the woman reached her side she announced breezily, "Sure. I'll see you at home, _dear_."

Regina's eyes widened in panic and her nostrils flared at the prospect of sharing a living space with Emma again. There would be no possibility of avoiding her guilt with the savior around to remind her of it every day, and that thought terrified Regina. For the first time in months, she used magic to vanish in a cloud of purple smoke, but she was shaking and disoriented from the fight with Emma, and only made it so far as the parking lot before she lost the protective shroud of magic. She sat behind the wheel of her car and a wracking sob left her breathless and wet. Tears blurred her vision as she started the vehicle, but she had to pull over twice before reaching home.

Her anger was gone, and in place of it was a blinding pain that diminished her to a helpless, frightened child. She locked herself in the bathroom and washed her face until it was red from the heat of the water instead of just blotchy from crying. She would have to compose herself if she was going to chase Emma away, but her body wouldn't cooperate - her eyes wouldn't stay dry and her hands wouldn't stop trembling.

Later that afternoon, Henry called to tell her that he was going to be sleeping at his grandfather's over night. Rumpel had considerately invited him for a game night with Belle.

The sun had already set when Regina hung up the phone and decided to take a long, hot shower. She put on her warmest pajamas and then curled up on the couch, grateful that Emma hadn't shown up. She hoped the savior had her changed mind, but little did she know that Emma was more determined than ever.

When Regina vanished in a cloud of purple Emma had released a deep sigh and flashed a grin towards Rumpel. It wasn't that she was proud of herself. It was that for the first time in almost a year she felt like she was on the right track again. Perhaps fighting wasn't the answer but damn, it was familiar, and right then it made her feel alive so she'd take it. "There's the Regina I know," she said, then took off running, but by the time she had reached her car there was no sign of Regina.

She drove straight to Snow's and began re-packing her belongings with no care for what went where just as long as they fit in the damn black bags. However, just as she'd placed the last of her things by the door, it opened, and for the next three hours she found herself arguing with the woman who didn't want her to leave.

"_You can't just move back in, Emma. I'm sure that's against the law," Snow had warned._

"_It isn't, I checked with the lawyer. I can move back in because of common asses." Emma had stated with conviction._

"_Assets," Snow had corrected with a frown._

"_Whatever. I need answers and I'm going to get them," Emma had concluded, and promptly left before Snow asked David to tie her to a chair._

Now it was close to nine at night, and the sun was setting as she parked her car outside the gates of the mansion. She only grabbed one bag, but she focused all her attention on the rest and shut her eyes. A tingle shot through her frame and when she opened her eyes the bags were gone. They'd be waiting for her in one of the guest bedrooms. Emma locked her bug, tossed the bag over her shoulder, and sauntered up the path. She still had a key, in case of emergencies, but the door was unlocked when she tried the handle.

Emma didn't try to sneak around. She wanted Regina to know she was there, and that was why she kept her boots on as she walked through the foyer to get to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Regina bristled as she heard the sound of Emma's gritty boots scraping against her wood flooring; she flipped a page in the novel she was reading and tried to ignore each noise that indicated that Emma had returned home, but it was impossible. All of her willpower failed her and she slammed the book shut, leaving it on the couch as she stormed into the kitchen. She snatched the glass of water out of Emma's hand and took a sip before giving it back to her. "Fine," she grunted. "This is what you want? You want to live here? Then you'll clean up after yourself. You left muddy footprints on the floor." She bustled over to the closet and found the mop, along with a pail, and thrust both of the washing implements at Emma. "I'll be in the living room."

Perhaps grinning at the clearly aggravated woman wasn't the best course of action but Emma couldn't help herself. Even when the mop was thrust against her chest, her grin didn't waver for an instant, and hell, she even whistled as she kicked off her boots and cleaned the prints she'd left behind. Silence, she knew, would drive Regina up the wall. Now that she'd riled her up her sheer presence did all the work for her.

Regina stormed back to the living room, but as soon as she settled back in her spot on the couch, she began to wonder what Emma was doing. This time, she didn't indulge her curiosity. She draped a blanket over her legs and made herself comfortable, but the ache in her chest that she thought had subsided earlier returned full force when she glanced up at the picture on the mantel. She launched herself up from her resting spot and ripped the frame down once and for all. With a wave of her hand, it disappeared, out of sight and out of mind. Why did she need that picture of Emma when the original was close at hand?

She sneered at Emma as the woman passed through the living room on her way upstairs to unpack. Emma only smirked at the flustered woman and went about her business.

Except… in the middle of folding her clothes, Emma decided she didn't want to sleep in the guest room. The saviour wickedly grabbed her things and dumped them on Regina's bed, then one by one, she methodically put all of her things back where they once belonged. Oh, Regina would fight her on it, she knew, but the idea of getting under the brunette's skin was too tantalizing to pass up. She'd drive her bat shit crazy if it meant she got the truth.

"Emma?" Regina sang out, innocently enough from downstairs.

Just as she stripped off her shirt with the intent to grab a shower, Emma heard Regina calling on her. For a split second it was so remarkably like how they'd once been that she smiled.

She was already half undressed, so she decided to leave her shirt where it was and sauntered down the stairs in her jeans and tank top.

Regina was waiting for her with a small smile. If a wife was what Emma wanted, she thought, _a wife she'd get_. "You know, now that you're home to stay, the study could really use a fresh coat of paint... "

"Yeah?" Emma asked, then walked over to stick her head in the study. "You're right. Place looks shabby as hell." It didn't, but the insult would make Regina squirm and that pleased Emma to no end. She felt like a new woman. Or a better version of her old self. "Guess you better grab a paint brush, Regina. Unless you want it painted a nice bright pink or neon yellow." She cocked her head as if truly considering it. "Maybe I'll mix the two."

Emma smiled sweetly, and arched her eyebrows as if she had no idea that she was antagonizing Regina.

"My mistake, it seems I forgot what bad taste you have," Regina coldly replied. She floated towards the stairs, moving with a practiced and graceful air of superiority as she ascended.

"I think that's pretty self evident," Emma retorted as she followed Regina up the stairs with all the grace of a lumberjack, strictly because she knew it annoyed the woman. They both knew her color choices were selected out of spite and good humor. Still, if Regina wanted to hurt her by saying she had bad taste, she'd just flip it around. "After all, I married you."

"Oh, yes, Ruby would have been the better choice by far," Regina snorted. "You could've solved all of your marital issues with a leash and muzzle. I bet you have regrets." She pretended to be indifferent, even though Emma's criticisms and insults made her blood boil. It wasn't until she set foot in her bedroom that she lost all semblance of sanity and gave into old habits.

"Are you jealous of Ruby? You realize our friendship is purely platonic, right?" Emma scoffed. It was clear she was amused by the way she hummed low in her throat. "I don't know, maybe a gag and a leash would work wonders on you. You have been acting like a complete bitch for the better part of a year now." Really, she couldn't resist. Regina had opened herself up for that one.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" Regina growled out, her eyes wide with shock as she made a blind grab for Emma's favorite pillow.

"Taking a shower." Emma casually announced, knowing full well the outrage had everything to do with moving all of her things back into Regina's room. Their room.

"We are not sharing a bed! I didn't agree to sleep with you...- beside you... - I won't tolerate this! Take your things and get out." Regina tossed the pillow in the direction of the door and threw Emma's blanket on the carpet. Then she yanked back her comforter and slipped into bed, concentrating very hard on willing Emma out of existence.

Unfortunately there was no magic that could make her wife permanently disappear. Not that she truly wanted that...

There was no shame as Emma shrugged off her tank top and bra and slipped out of her jeans and panties. She didn't expect Regina to look but if she made her uncomfortable then that would be a bonus. "Yes we are, and for the record, I recall many nights when you did in fact agree to sleep with me. Is your memory getting fuzzy? I mean you're like what, in your sixties, right?"

At the jibe about her age, Regina's lips twisted into a miserable smile. "I'm not the forgetful one," she chuckled abrasively. "You can't even remember where you keep your underwear, or where we went on our first date... I wouldn't expect you to remember that I had no interest in you initially…"

Regina was never concerned with modesty, but as Emma continued to strip down in front of her, she tried to look away.

Still, her eyes swept over Emma from head-to-toe, her pupils lust blown under hooded, black lashes. Her mouth fell open in appreciation of Emma's full breasts, toned upper body, creamy skin and powerful long legs. She held her breath until Emma stepped into the bathroom, then gasped and scrambled to compensate for her not so subtle reaction to Emma's nudity. Her options were limited; given her own inability to control herself, she considered forfeiting her own bed and moving to the guest room. That would be the safest choice, but she knew that backing down so easily under such circumstances would only intensify Emma's curiosity. If the savior knew that physical intimacy sent Regina running, then she might start up again with a barrage of unwanted questions.

Emma sauntered into the bathroom as she pretended she didn't hear Regina's comments. The savior did indeed take a quick shower with the brunette's expensive soaps, and it was glorious. Thoroughly washed and fresh faced, she toweled off and walked back into the room, ignoring her things scattered around as she plucked up her panties and tank top and slid them back on. Screw pajamas, she wanted to feel the ridiculously soft sheets against her clean skin.

"If you must stay, sleep on your side," Regina hissed. "And there are ground rules. Do not wake me with your snoring or by turning the lights on when you get up to use the restroom. You may not eat in my bed, and don't even think about touching me..."

"Don't you get it, Regina?" Emma sighed with a smile, she grabbed her pillow off the floor and lifted up the covers to slip into bed beside the woman. "I'll sleep how I want to sleep, I'll eat where I want to eat and if I want to turn the light on so I don't bash my shins in, then I damn well will."

Regina hastily decided that desperate times called for desperate measures. "You don't give up, do you?" she sighed in exasperation. "I'm going to be stuck with you, no matter what I do. I should just give in and save myself the trouble…"

"Well I believe there was something in our vows about until death do us part, so unless you plan on killing me in my sleep…Yeah, you should." Emma agreed easily, but then again, she'd thought the brunette had been talking about telling her the truth of what had happened in their marriage.

She got comfy on her back and clasped her hands above her head. Regina was already sitting up and looked like she was on the verge of leaving. With her eyes shut, Emma added cheerfully, "You don't have to worry Regina, I have no desire to put my hands on you. The only one I'll be touching is myself…" She grinned wickedly, then yawned.

"That was one thing I appreciated about our marriage," Regina husked. "You never did have a problem entertaining yourself." She waited patiently until Emma was stretched out and completely unsuspecting before she made her move on the savior. With a calculated and quick shift in positioning, she brought their mouths together in tenderly slow and lasting kisses that heated their skin and caused her to moan deep in her throat. "But perhaps I have missed this," she conceded, then reached for a box she kept in the drawer beside her bed, which stored what had previously been thought of as their 'night-time necessities.' While her mouth was busy distracting Emma, she grabbed a pair of handcuffs and ever so carefully fastened the savior to the bed.

The shock of feeling the warmth of her wife's body curl around her body stole Emma's voice, just as much as the incredibly sincere kiss stole her breath away. Emma's mind screamed that it was a trap but her heart said it didn't care. It had been far too long since she'd tasted the other woman's lips to not indulge in it, just for a minute, to get lost in the sensations of being wanted by the woman she loved. The sound of Regina's raspy moan sent heat racing through Emma's body and she pressed her thighs together to try and quell her building desire, but she heard herself whisper "I've missed it too" against Regina's lips.

Only when Emma was properly restrained did Regina pull back, as relieved as she was self congratulating. "There," she breathed out. "And fortunately for me you weren't paying attention on the day that I taught you how to get out of such traps by using your magic. Welcome home, dear."

It took several long seconds for Emma's mind to function again when Regina withdrew, and several more to register what the hell she'd said. "Wha-?" She choked out incredulously when she tried to reach for Regina and found her hands cuffed to the bed. "Are you _serious_? I wasn't going to touch you!" Emma snarled. No, fuck this, she wasn't going to thrash and complain because that was exactly the reaction Regina probably wanted. Well, screw her, she was in for a nasty shock of her own. Emma kicked the blankets off the bed in order to better maneuver herself. She rolled onto her stomach with a glare towards the smaller woman and felt grateful for the chain being able to twist just enough so that she wasn't breaking her wrists. Then she shimmied up the bed with a few frustrated, angry grunts, until she could raise herself up onto her knees, which now rested against her pillow.

"Lucky for me I've been working out." Emma growled out, and rather than damage her wrists by yanking on the chain, she grabbed onto the headboard and began slamming it back and forth against the wall. It groaned and creaked in protest but it only encouraged her, and with a few more vicious smacks, the wooden panel gave way with the most satisfying of snaps. "And my strength is no match for your headboard." The blonde hissed and tore her hands free of the damn thing. Emma glared at the cuffs around her wrists until she realized something important. "Funny, for someone who wants a divorce you still have all of our things in your drawer by the bed. A little something to help you through those long, lonely nights, huh?"

The question was husked out as Emma unceremoniously straddled Regina to reach for the drawer. It was awkward with both hands bound together but she managed to rummage around enough to find the key.

"What makes you think those nights were lonely?" Regina hissed out in a last, futile effort to get her way.

The implication that Regina had been sleeping with someone else tore through Emma like a close range bullet. The blonde tensed in pain, her breath caught in her throat, and then the anger in her eyes intensified.

Regina's face burned with regret and she swallowed hard as if to preparing to apologize, though she never got the chance.

Emma slid off the bed to unlock the cuffs and dropped them back into the drawer before banging it shut. "You know, you look a little flustered. Maybe you need to cool down," Emma spat, and her voice was practically like gravel as she grabbed Regina by the arms and slung her over her shoulder like a fireman. Then she marched straight into the bathroom, turned the shower on to its coldest setting, and pushed the woman under the spray while she was still clad in her pajamas. "Enjoy, _your Majesty_." Emma smirked and stalked back into the bedroom, where she settled once again on the bed.

Regina sputtered as water drenched her nightclothes and it was a struggle to stand up; she turned off the shower and undressed with all of the speed her frozen limbs could manage. At a deliberately slower pace, she dried and composed herself, taking her time to process the fight with Emma. She resented the savior's nerve, and the way Emma intuitively knew how to lay siege to her walls, kicking them down as if they were built from nothing but blocks. Feeling vulnerable and frightened always left Regina at a disadvantage, but she had only herself to blame and _that_ bothered her the most. She did all that she could to make Emma hate her, but in the last several days, she weakened her own defenses to the point of self-sabotage. Simply because she couldn't let Emma go.

With her hair still damp from her unexpected shower, Regina hurried back to the bedroom and began putting on warmer pajamas, stepping into a pair of Emma's old flannels that she kept for herself. She needed the emotional release that came only from crying, but with Emma nestled in her bed, she didn't dare let her guard down.

When she slid back underneath her down comforter, she was silent and closed off. That is, until she fell asleep. Some time after dozing off, she curled into Emma and held on, her head instinctively finding the savior's chest.

Emma barely slept. She drifted in and out of consciousness sporadically. When she was awake her mind raced. Entirely lost in her own thoughts as she got stuck on Regina's taunt. What if her nights weren't lonely? What if she had been sleeping with someone else? That train of thought had been a downward spiral. Time ticked away as she wondered if Regina had been cheating, and that was why she'd wanted a divorce. Had she not been able to satisfy her in all the ways she needed? Did they touch her like she was precious? Did they listen for the hitch of breath when they roamed her body? Did they appreciate every toe twitch and breathless sigh? Did she grip the sheets for them they way she used to for her? Did she call out their name?

With a soft sob in her chest, Emma pulled away from Regina and curled up on the far side of the bed.

It wasn't until Regina felt Emma's receding warmth that she began to have nightmares about the past. Her dreams were restless and brought her back to cold places her conscious mind avoided. She woke with a startled gasp and the conviction that Emma was at least partially to blame for their failing marriage. One sidelong glance at the shambles of her headboard only served to further infuriate her, and she ripped away Emma's blanket in a fit of retaliation. "You're an ass," she cried out hysterically. "I should shove you out of bed right now. Why couldn't you have just signed the papers?"

Silent tears soaked Emma's pillow, but she knew with the blanket yanked away from her the subtle shake of her body as her emotions poured out would be seen as shivering. She'd mastered the art of crying without making a sound when she bounced around the foster system. Emma wiped her face against her pillow as Regina's hushed words clawed at her senses, and she whispered back, "You know what Regina, you were the one that kissed me, you were the one that intentionally used emotional manipulation after telling me not to touch you, and you were so proud of yourself for using the handcuffs when all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I'm the ass? Well fuck you, even when you'd lost your heart you weren't _this_ heartless."

There were three things Emma wanted right then, and that was her marriage to go back to normal, sleep, and a strong drink. Since the first two weren't optional she got out of bed and stumbled down the stairs in the darkness without bothering to put anything else on, and filled a glass with scotch.

"Do you have any idea how you've disrupted my life by moving back in?" Regina seethed. "We had an agreement and you didn't follow through." She pursued Emma down the hallway and the staircase, following her until they came to the study; she heard the chinking of ice in a glass, and flipped on the light. Without consideration for what would happen, she wrenched the scotch out of Emma's hand and placed it aside. "I won't have you getting drunk, not when Henry will be home in the morning, excited to see you..."

"Don't touch me and don't you _dare_ use Henry as an excuse to get what you want! If you cared at all about him you wouldn't have ripped his family apart." Emma snatched the glass back and took a large gulp. It scorched her throat but the pain was welcome. "I've disrupted _your_ life?" Emma's sardonic tone was offset by the sick desperation in her laugh. "We never had an agreement. You just up and decided one day that you didn't want me any more. No explanation. No attempt to work it out even though I begged you, _literally_ _begged_ _you_. You were just done with me. Like I was a toy you'd finally gotten sick of playing with. Do you have any idea the hell you've put me through?" Everything that had been building up over the months, eating away at her, it was all coming out and Emma shook as it wracked her body. "You think I don't hear the whispers when I walk through town because you tossed me out like an unwanted stray? Every time we're in a room together you go out of your way to pick fault with everything I do and everything I am. You humiliate me in front of our friends and family. You dictate _everything_ so that you get what you want!"

After a long pause, Regina exhaled and smoothed down her wrinkled flannel shirt, the one warm keepsake she refused to return to its owner. "Yes, I manipulated you. But you threw me into an ice cold shower, broke my headboard, and layered insult upon injury. I'm a horrible human being, but tonight you definitely earned the title of 'ass.' Let's call a temporary truce and have a conversation like two grown adults, shall we? I said a lot of hurtful things tonight and I'm sorry. I lied about there being someone else. There have been plenty of lonely nights, if you must know. Henry is the only person I even see on a regular basis, and he has his own life. Now, please... come back to bed?"

Emma fell silent to take a breath but her teeth chattered due to the rising emotions that threatened to engulf her. "Yeah I tossed you into a cold shower and broke your headboard, because you chained me to it like a god damn _dog_ after you kissed me. This might be news to you Regina but the last time you kissed me like that was ten months ago. In fact, that was the _last_ time you kissed me at all. So excuse me for reacting to you giving me this _sliver_ of hope just so you could snatch it away again like some cheap trick." Emma stepped into Regina's space, pushed her roughly so that she was backed against the wall and continued on. "I've taken every vile, spiteful thing you've thrown at me for nearly a _year_ and you can't take it for one night? The only time you ever look happy is when you're walking all over me and showing dominance and honestly it's like you get off on breaking me, so here!" Emma hissed, and if her eyes watered it was a mixture of anger and pain as she plunged her hand into her own chest and ripped her heart out. Emma didn't look at it as she pushed it into Regina's hands, didn't even glance at it as she sucked in a stuttered breath and announced, "Do what you want Regina! _You always do_." Then she pivoted and made her way back up stairs, only the bed she sank into this time was in the guest room.

**AN: **Thank you so much for the reviews! The encouragement definitely makes us excited to post our updates. I know a few people have speculated about Regina, but.. all I can say is, it's probably not what you're thinking. The story is about to get a bit controversial, so if you're willing to share your thoughts we'll be listening.


	4. Chapter 4

Regina gripped Emma's heart as if it was a piece of fruit, and held it close to her lips as though she meant to taste it. She let out a shuddery sob and lowered herself onto the leather couch, where she sat while she drank down the rest of Emma's scotch. All of the accusations that Emma threw in her face were well deserved, but crippling; she could no longer deny that she'd been unjustly cruel, or seek to place blame where blame was never due.

What Regina wanted, more than anything, was to undo her impulsive, terrible mistake, so that she could lie beside Emma at night without constantly being bombarded by gut wrenching guilt. She cradled Emma's heart and cracked open her book of spells, flicking through the pages in frantic dismay.

Some time around dawn, she shuffled up to the guest room and hovered in the doorway, watching Emma sleep. She approached the bed cautiously and sat down on the edge, where her feet couldn't touch the floor. With gentle fingers, she pressed Emma's heart back into place, and then dropped her head to the woman's chest to listen to it tick. Tears sprang to her eyes and she snuggled herself into Emma, remembering when she had laid her head on Daniel's breast in the same way, when she was so young and desperate to have him back.

She was desperate to have Emma back, too. Back the way she once was, before everything was ruined. "Please," she whimpered, hysterical and feverish from lack of sleep. "I'm sorry. Emma, please forgive me." She rambled, incoherent and sniffling, pleading with Emma and talking in circles. "… I'm so frightened. If you knew... if you really knew, you'd leave and you'd never come back... please..."

Emma felt slightly numb without her heart. All those swirling, intense emotions were dampened but not removed. She wasn't sure what she'd expected. Emptiness, perhaps. To become hollow. Only she wasn't. No, just numb. Enough for her to actually drift into a dreamless sleep. How long for she couldn't be sure, but she woke up the instant Regina pressed her head against her chest, and the wave of fresh pain told her the woman had evidently relocated her heart back inside her chest. Emma's breath was more of a gasp as she blinked back tears and adjusted to feeling everything full force again.

Maybe it was instinctual when she heard Regina sniffle, or maybe old habits died hard, but Emma's arms wrapped around the woman's small frame and clutched her close. Even after everything she put her through, the blonde couldn't bear to see Regina suffer. She loved Regina too much to ever truly want her miserable. "Shh… Shh… I've got you." Emma whispered against the woman's dark hair, and absently pulled the covers over her to cocoon them in a bubble of warmth. This was it. She could hear it in the tremble of Regina's voice, in her word choice, as if whatever secret she was keeping would send Emma right out of Storybrooke, where nobody except Henry could follow her. The truth was about to spill out and she braced herself as best she could as she clung to Regina.

"You have nothing to be afraid of, do you hear me? I'm not going anywhere," Emma whispered with conviction, and stroked slow, soothing circles up and down the brunette's back. "Don't push me away any more. Just tell me, and whatever it is we can face it together. Okay? It's time, Regina, let it out… _Please_, let it out. Keeping it locked away is only destroying us."

"Can't," Regina gurgled back pathetically. Shaking her head in distraught refusal, she tightened her grip on Emma and buried her nose in the savior's neck, sniffling and hiccupping. "No, no… I can't! I've ruined everything! We could have been happy, but I ripped all of the happiness out of us...all of the life. Out of me, Emma. I took it away, because I was scared." Her heavy head still lay on Emma's chest, and she quieted to listen to the soft beat, though it made her ache with grief and whine piteously. "The heart… its beat, I can still feel it," she deliriously whimpered, and then she settled in, as if the nonsense she'd spoken explained everything. She hung onto Emma drowsily and in her wife's reassuring, protective embrace, she became still and peaceful.

Emma pulled Regina closer as the woman became even more distraught, and listened to everything she tried to say. "You haven't ruined everything. We can still be happy." The hushed words were fierce as she pressed her cheek against the top of the brunette's head and breathed in the scent of the woman. There had been a few times when she'd witnessed Regina this way, and it was never over anything small. It worried Emma to realize she could literally hear the fear in the woman's voice, could feel it in the way her body tensed and gripped at her own. "I'm not going to run away, not from you and not from Storybrooke. I'm not that woman anymore. This is my home. _You_ are my home."

"Mom?" Henry called out from the foot of the stairs. "_I'm home_. Are you up here?" He took the steps two at a time and went down the hall to the guest room. His brow furrowed in confusion and his mouth fell open in shock when he spotted his two mothers in bed together. "Moms? What's going on? Didn't you get divorced yesterday?" he asked in disbelief. "Anyway, I got a call from Grandma. She sounded like she was pretty close to tears. She asked me if I wanted to stay with her for a few days, and told me she'd come pick me up. I couldn't convince her not to come. I'll deal with her, but you two put some clothes on." He exited without waiting for an explanation, because he learned long ago that his parents were bizarre; more often than not, Regina showed Emma that she cared by arguing with her. When they were happy, their disputes rarely escalated to more than playful teasing, but they had always tried to get under each other's skin. In his mind, it made perfect sense that on the day of their divorce he'd find them in the same bed.

No sooner had Henry warned of Snow's arrival than the woman came through the front door, shouting "Emma!" At her back was a conflicted David, who frowned at his wife's rampant disregard for their daughter's independence.

"She and mom are upstairs in bed," Henry told them. "Want to go to the diner for breakfast? They could be a while. I think they're finally working it out..."

Emma's mind was racing with what little information she now had, but she was determined to figure out what had happened all those months ago. Though before she could even process the new development between them, their son burst through the door and Emma could only gawk at him as he assessed the situation and then took charge of it. Ever the little hero desperately trying to protect his family.

The second he was gone Emma shifted in bed to lay Regina down and then brushed the hair from her face. "Stay here, I'll deal with-" Snow's shriek cut her off and she cringed slightly and nodded towards the door. "We're going to get through this, together." Emma stroked her palm tenderly down Regina's cheek then pressed a tentative, soft kiss to her forehead before getting out of bed. It took her a moment to realize all her clothes were in the master bedroom and she hissed profanity under her breath before she remembered she could use magic. Rather than bring clothes to her, she pictured what she wanted to wear, and changed her outfit. In her haste out of the room, she failed to realize her shirt wasn't only on backwards, it was inside out.

"Hey mo-uh, guys." She frowned suspiciously as she caught sight of her dad and jogged down the stairs. At least her boots were on the right feet, even if the laces were untied. "What's going on?"

Mary Margaret had barely caught sight of her daughter. She was so focused on her pre-prepared speech as she turned around with, "Oh I'll tell you what's going on, you ca-"

David, who knew immediately that Emma would react badly to being told what she could do, and sensed the fight brewing, jumped in quickly with, "Your mother and I were wondering if we could talk."

Emma slowly made her way down the rest of the stairs and frowned as her son burst into laughter. "Talk about what?" She sighed out in exasperation.

"Maybe your shirt." Henry chuckled, then quickly fled outside, but not too far. He wanted to hear what was being said.

"You are in over your head with this, Emma!" Snow lectured, "And I am not going to stand by and watch you get hurt again. You've haven't tried counseling. If you plan to move back into this house, you'd better get some help, because the two of you behave like teenagers…You're both so impulsive, I never know what's going to happen. I may not look my age, but these past few days, I've felt it. I've been sick with worry for you…" Her strict mothering tone of voice seemed to intimidate even Charming, but he put a callused hand on his wife's shoulder to try to calm her down.

"I'm almost thirty-four years old!" Emma snapped back incredulously. "I get that you're concerned, but you have no right to come in here and tell me how to go about repairing my marriage." Honestly, sometimes she couldn't handle the way Snow smothered her. It was strange, still, to be lectured from her former housemate and friend.

"We aren't here to tell you what to do," David affirmed, keeping a gentle hold on his wife, in case Snow attempted to drag Emma out the front door. "But we are worried, which is why we wanted to _check in, _and then we'll be going right home. How are you doing? How's Regina?"

Emma cast a grateful look towards her father and even managed a slight smile.

As if on cue, Regina drifted down the staircase, without a care as to how unseemly she looked; her pajamas were wrinkled and her hair ruffled. She stood barefoot on the bottom step, gripping the railing and staring at her extended family. "We're fine," she authoritatively insisted, although she felt nauseous from giving her hasty confession. "I'm going to make Henry breakfast and put on a pot of coffee." She breezed by Emma and into the kitchen, where she cracked eggs in a frying pan and toasted slices of bread until they were browned and crisp.

"We were just talking," Emma added. "_That's all_," she emphasized, as Snow pointedly looked at her shirt and she finally noticed the issue. Quickly, the blonde pulled it off and sorted it as Regina announced her presence and declared they were fine. More than anything, Emma wanted to believe they were, but she knew it would take time. She worried that the interruption would mean they were back to square one, and she panicked slightly because she couldn't just ask. Especially right then. She smoothed her hands down her shirt and glanced tentatively towards Regina. The woman managed to look every bit the queen she was, even with red eyes, standing in frumpy pajamas that were too big for her. Emma watched her float right by them and might have let her gaze linger. She didn't blame Regina. Even she blonde didn't want to deal with her parents.

The night and day difference in Regina's behavior didn't sit well with Snow or David, and they exchanged a silent glance which meant they would stick around. "I wouldn't mind having a cup of coffee," David said, inviting himself to breakfast, and following Regina into the kitchen.

Without remark, Regina poured coffee into the mug Charming most often chose when he came over for breakfast in the past; she handed the drink off to him and then went about setting the table.

As David sat down with his cup of coffee, Emma tilted her head back to groan at the ceiling. Why was this happening? Couldn't her parents just leave and let them talk? The blonde resisted the hissy fit as she caught sight of her son sneaking back into the house, and narrowed her eyes at him. "Eavesdropping?" She accused lightly, though she wasn't mad. If anything she actually understood where he was coming from. His family had been torn apart and now, with any luck, Emma was finally managing to stitch it back together.

Henry followed Snow into the kitchen and sat next to her so that Emma didn't have to. She gave his hair a slight tousle but didn't bother to sit down. Instead she moved to the fridge and took out the carton of half and half, and as casually as she could, made Regina a cup of coffee and then made her own. Only then did she sit down. "So, Henry said he was staying with you for a few days. Doing anything fun?" Emma knew it was a futile attempt at normal conversation, but when your mother could communicate with birds, you just had to accept that 'normal' would never last long.

"The festival is this weekend," Snow explained, as she lifted her cup of coffee to her lips. For all of her indignation and criticism, she appeared to be content to sit down as a family; she threw a few guarded glances at Regina, saw the dark circles underneath the woman's eyes, and wondered when she last slept. Emma, for her part, looked rested but on edge, as if she was afraid she'd be told to leave at any a moment's notice. "I don't for a minute think that everything is okay between you just because you're calm and sitting at the same breakfast table. You have a lot to discuss if you want to fix this. We'll be going as soon as I finish this cup of coffee, but you both need to promise me that if you need support, you'll call. I took the liberty of scheduling you a session with Dr. Hopper. Your two-year anniversary is in a week. Consider it my gift to you."

"I'd completely forgotten about the festival," Emma said to herself quietly, and as her eyes found Regina her mind offered up the brilliant idea of asking the brunette later, if she'd like to go with her. Whether or not she'd be rejected didn't sway her. Strained as their relationship was she understood that if she wanted to repair it, she had to start at the foundations. Perhaps, slowly and surely, she could get them back to where they once were, and a date would be a good start to show the woman she was serious about her, right? That she could do it, start all over, because Regina was worth it. They were worth it. Snow cut into Emma's thoughts and the blonde frowned at her. How dare she book them a session with Archie. They hadn't even had the chance to broach the subject themselves. This could ruin everything. Why couldn't her mother see that? Rather than chew Snow out at the table, the blonde vowed to speak to her later.

Emma was all too aware of their rapidly approaching anniversary and she licked her lips nervously as she cradled her cup of coffee between her palms. Every relationship had its ups and downs, right? But if you loved someone, you never gave up on them, especially when they'd given up on themselves. This entire time Emma had thought Regina had been punishing her, but after holding her, hearing her almost break, she was starting to think the brunette had been punishing herself this whole time. Regina was the strongest person she knew, but sometimes Emma forgot under it all, she was also the most vulnerable.

"I got you a leaf blower for your anniversary," David added, to dispel some of the tension in the air.

"How thoughtful," Regina dryly replied, breaking a long and meditative silence. "David, I'll use your gift in the fall. Snow, I'll use _yours _when hell freezes over."

What Emma expected was an argument, but what she witnessed was a glimpse of the Regina she'd missed the past year. Laughter bubbled up and spilled from Emma's lips to land in her mug as she raised it to her lips. The corners of her eyes crinkled as she looked between Regina and her mother while she took a large gulp of the hot liquid. It burned down her throat and thawed the lingering chill of last night out of her system.

"You're welcome," Snow beamed, not for a moment fazed by how Regina accepted her present. She drained the rest of her mug, placed it in the sink, and then stopped to kiss the top of Emma's head. "We'll see you in a few days."

Henry, meanwhile, scarfed down what remained of his breakfast and plodded after Charming to the door. "Bye, moms. I'll call you later to check in."

For a moment things felt like it used to be, and Emma leaned back in her chair to smile at mother as she got up, she gave her father a nod and then without thinking she called after Henry, "Have fun kid, we love you."

Then it was just her and Regina, and suddenly Emma felt her son's age as her stomach fluttered from nerves. Her palms began to sweat and she absently wiped them down her jeans before standing up to cast a soft glance Regina's way. "I think you should go back to bed." The blonde said quietly, and stuffed her hands into her back pockets because she wouldn't assume she had the permission to join. "Why don't I make us breakfast, and I'll bring yours up when it's ready?" Emma wasn't going to push for any more answers today. As far as she was concerned this morning had been a breakthrough. The first beam of light to pierce through the dark clouds that had blocked out her sun for months. "After I eat I'm…" Emma cleared her throat, cast her gaze to the wall, and shrugged slightly. "I'm going to go to Marco's to get a new beam for the headboard. It'll be good as new in an hour."

Regina deposited her mug in the sink and slipped her arms in front of her, loosely hugging her ribcage. "Yes, alright," she whispered, although previously she would never have consented to eat anything Emma prepared. She glided away from Emma and up the stairs to the bedrooms, but rather than enter the master suite, she curled up under the blankets in the guest room, where Emma had slept most of the night. With the scent of Emma all around her, she was able to keep calm long enough to rest if not to sleep; she clutched a pillow close to her chest and focused on slowing her breath, without giving in to her rising panic.

Emma might still be learning to cook full on meals but she had pancakes down. So when Regina was gone, she quickly mixed up the batter, then grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl. She sliced it thinly then cut it up so it looked almost shredded, and added it to the mix. All in all, once she'd gotten everything plated It wasn't particularly fancy. Just a couple apple pancakes and scrambled eggs, but it smelled damn good. Emma took the plate up to Regina and paused in the doorway just to look at the woman. She seemed so small under the blankets, and the blonde felt momentarily helpless. "Hey, I'll leave this here for when you want it. I'll be back within the hour, okay? If you need anything I have my cell, but try to rest. I know… this morning wasn't easy for you, and I… I just want to say thank you, for trying to open up to me. You have no idea what it means to me."

Emma set the plate down on the bedside cabinet and jogged down stairs. She quickly ate her own breakfast, brushed her hair and tied her boots before grabbing her jacket and car keys and rushing outside. Ten minutes later and she was standing awkwardly inside Marco's workshop trying to explain the kind of wooden beam she needed without actually saying it was for a headboard. "Just you know, a sturdy plank of wood, maybe three or four inches wide, about this length…" Emma held her arms apart as her cheeks reddened. "Something that isn't going to break or splinter when I hammer it back into place. I only need the one..."

Old though he was, the way Marco blinked at her then nodded, well, it was clear he'd put two and two together. "Ah yes… I have some spare in the back from other things. I'll go get one, please, sit," he said with a slight nod and smile, and then vanished from sight.

Across town, Regina stared dully at the dark underside of her blanket, unwilling to budge from her safe hiding spot. Her stomach was rioting from hunger, but she when she finally sat up, she left her breakfast untouched and rushed from the bedroom. If she could only undo the wrong she had done, she would be able to live herself and save her marriage.

She moved into the hall with a rapid step, hurrying down the stairs and into her study, where she pulled out all of the spell books that had been part of her mother's estate. Paging through the tiny volumes, she earmarked all of the spells that might be helpful, but none of them stood out as a viable solution to her problem. As she tried one after the next, she realized her efforts were in vain. Her magic appeared to have deserted her in her time of need. Her frustration grew until she flung back the cover of the oldest book and began to inhale the words from the yellowed parchment. She whimpered in discomfort as the thick, purple lettering went through her nostrils and down into her throat. Her eyes darkened to a shade of violet, catching the light with their luminescent glow.

But after she started, she couldn't stop. The book, once full of flourishing script that detailed ancient incantations, emptied itself wholly into her.

Regina collapsed gasping on the floor, and pinpricks of black spotted her vision as she floundered, reaching for the cordless phone that sat on her desk. Her fingers dialed Emma's number, but she lost her grip and fell back on the floor, shutting her eyes as a wave of nausea overwhelmed her.

In Marco's woodshop, Emma was hit by a pulsing wave of magic.

Emma saw Marco return and stood up, but as she reached him a wave of dizziness struck and she felt her body tingle all over. It robbed her of her breath and she gasped sharply and pressed one hand against her forehead. "Did you feel that?" she asked, then froze, wide eyed. That… That wasn't her voice… Emma reached out to steady herself and panic erupted within her chest. Those weren't her hands... And her clothes felt incredibly restricting, especially around her shoulders. Even her toes pushed uncomfortably against the inside of her boots, like she was wearing a size too small.

Marco looked stricken, but thrust the long strip of wood into her hands. "Take it, no charge." he mumbled, because what else could he say when he just witnessed the Sheriff change before his very eyes? "Perhaps The Blue Fairy can help?" he suggested softly.

"I… I gotta go," Emma stuttered out between anxious breaths. "Don't uh, mention this to anyone, _please_." She added as she fled the shop and threw herself into her car. She squeezed herself into the driver's seat and winced as her knees hit the dashboard. With a quick adjust she settled in, but as the engine roared to life she caught sight of herself in the mirror and began to hyperventilate. "This can't be happening." She croaked, only her voice was deeper, husky, and she watched her Adam's apple move as she swallowed thickly. "Why is this happening?" she yelled at her mirror self, and took off down the road, completely breaking the speed limit.

The car barely stopped moving before she jumped out of it and raced towards the mansion. Regina would know what to do. Had someone cursed her? Oh shit, what if someone had cursed her? The blonde swung the gate open and barely made it two steps before something grabbed her arm. "What the-" she grunted, and turned to see the hedge snake over her bicep, curling further towards her shoulder as it started to tighten like a python around her. The sharp twigs pierced her shirt and bit into her flesh and she let out a cry of protest while tugging her arm back. It felt like it was going to rip right out of the socket as she raised her left hand to claw at the plant. "Get off me you son of a bitch!" And though it wasn't rational she started to punch the part that had snared her arm, with utter disregard to how it hurt her. Between the blows and the pulling, she managed to break free and almost fell on her ass scrambling away from the damn thing.

"What the hell is happening!" she bellowed as she got to her feet and all but crashed through the front door just to slam it shut. As if somehow that would protect her, or solve the madness taking place. "_Regina!_ Regina I need your help! Something's happened!" Blood seeped through her torn sleeve but the pain was barely registered as adrenaline spiked her bloodstream.

"What?" Regina choked out, though her strained throat was constricted and prevented her from projecting her voice; she eased up from the floor and steadied herself on the couch before attempting to hobble out of the study. "Emma, is… that you?" She went into the foyer and started at the sight of Emma's very manly appearance. The savior's snug jean pants were ripped and tattered from the sudden change in musculature, but she recognized Emma immediately. "I may have cast a spell... or two?" she guiltily admitted.

She lowered herself into a chair, overcome with dizziness from the amount of magical energy she expended. "I can undo this," she promised. "I just need to regain my strength." She sat hunched over and waited for the feeling to pass, but the longer she waited, the more drained she became. Dazed, she blinked up at Emma and weakly stretched out her hand, silently reaching for her wife.

"You cast a spell…" Emma dumbly repeated, and thumped heavily down next to Regina.

Regina leaned into her true love and found it strange to be so small in comparison. The book was very old, it wasn't supposed to do... _that_. I don't know why it affected you." Her hand lifted weakly to wave at the transformed blonde, and she caught herself muttering, "You need a shave." The faint hint of amusement that touched her lips vanished as her eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry," Regina whispered, shifting to sit in Emma's lap and touching the savior's chin. "I can fix it once I've rested. You won't be stuck like that," she promised, the first of her tears finally spilling.

Twisted as it was a wave of relief ran through Emma as the brunette settled on her lap, and she wrapped her arms around the woman's waist as she breathed out, "Oh thank Christ, I thought someone had cursed me." It was ridiculous, really, but she found herself laughing as if a weight had been lifted. It could be reversed. It was going to be okay. "Yeah along with new clothes, these are cutting into me like a bitch," she rumbled, and buried her face in dark hair to calm herself down. The conversation might have been absurd to anyone else, and later Emma would be asking why the hell Regina had been casting spells, but as the brunette burst into tears she prioritized what was important, and right then it was comforting her wife.

Regina began to sob and threw her arms around Emma's neck, her tiny body heaving and trembling as she repeated, "I'm sorry… "

Emma's large hands stroked the length of Regina's back and she murmured quiet words of comfort and reassurance. Though between the gentle weight of the woman, and the movement as Regina cried, the blonde shifted uncomfortably until she realized just what the hell was going on. "No, no, no, no…" She whispered to herself, and winced as the already tight fabric began to feel a little tighter. "This can't be happening," Emma blurted, and with a pained look tried to slide Regina off her lap. "I uh, I need you to let me up," she said gruffly, and finally managed to stand up, her face flushed. "New clothes," Emma stated, as if that answered for her strange behavior.

Oblivious to certain problems of Emma's new anatomy, Regina rose from the savior's lap and sniffled back the unwanted tears. "What will you wear? We have nothing in the house. You could give your father a call, but if your mother finds out, we'll never hear the end of it…"

"No!" Emma shouted, then winced at how loud her voice was. "I really don't want anyone else to know. It's bad enough I traumatized Marco… on the bright side his best friend's a shrink. There has to be something I can wear - "

Regina unbuttoned the shirt Emma was wearing and pushed it back over the savior's shoulders, revealing the broad chest that was underneath. "What about those loose sweat pants you always wear? Those might work. I'll go fetch them."

Emma released the kind of sigh typically reserved for taking her bra off at night when the shirt was pushed free. She could actually feel the circulation improve across her shoulders and under her arms. "Thank you," she sighed gratefully, and her face lit up at the mention of her sweat pants. "Yes," she agreed quickly, "Those should work."

In the past, Regina tried to get rid of the baggy pair of sweat pants, but Emma always snuck them back into the drawer, determined to keep them for lazy afternoons. She located the pants in Emma's luggage, and returned downstairs with them slung over one shoulder. "Go on then," she said, handing the sweat pants to her wife. "Would you like me to look away?"

Emma kicked off her boots and wiggled her toes. At least they weren't ruined. She just wouldn't be wearing them any time soon. Maybe her sneakers would still fit. She took the sweatpants with a slight grin, and then froze like a deer caught in headlights when the brunette waited for her to change.

"Well?" Regina turned to one side to afford Emma some small bit of privacy, and sighed when the familiar tingle of her magic coursed through her fingertips. "Are you alright?" she asked.

Emma swallowed thickly, only to release a breath as she struggled out of her ripped jeans without actually looking down. As far as Emma was concerned that whole area was the new bermuda triangle, and as such, she was not going anywhere near it. Except, she realized with a strange kind of unease, she felt weird standing as a man in panties. With a grimace she shut her eyes and stepped out of them, and hurriedly pulled on her sweat pants. "So much better." Though she was unaccustomed to standing around downstairs without a top on, and while there was nothing to cover, exactly, she still folded her arms self-consciously across her chest as if she were a woman. "You can turn around now," she murmured, and wondered if she'd get used to the deepness of her voice.

"I prefer you as a woman but I would be lying if I said you weren't an attractive man. At least I didn't do anything horribly disfiguring with my magic... - oh, but it does seem you have a little problem." Regina arched a brow as she glanced down at the stiffness in Emma's sweat pants. "I suppose that is also my doing. Perhaps you should go upstairs and take care of that, dear."

Emma's brow furrowed as Regina spoke, and she followed her gaze only to cringe. "I wouldn't call that little." She muttered under breath with annoyance. Emma felt embarrassment spread across her neck like a rash, but it didn't stop her from glaring at the brunette as she spat incredulously, "If you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting then you're out of your damn mind."

"Well, if you have better ideas of how to get rid of that, I'll leave you to it." In a few quick strides, Regina moved off towards her study, making it clear she had no intentions of helping. "This is yet another instance in which I'm betting you wish you were a more attentive student. You could have cloaked yourself in your true form or transformed back all on your own. If I can't figure out a solution, we'll go see Rumpel," she huffed.

"You can't honestly be blaming me for being stuck like this, I didn't do it!" Emma sputtered, and then let out a growl of frustration as she bent over to grab her clothes, ruined as they were, and stomped up the stairs.

Regina imagined that Rumpel would be smug to see them both, coming in together and with Emma as a man; he might chauvinistically assume that this was a way she achieved sexual gratification. She sank into the leather chair behind her desk, but instead of flipping through another spell book, her fingers touched upon two small vials of clear liquid she kept stashed in the back of her drawer. She clutched the vials for a long time before she remembered what she was supposed to be doing.

With a sigh, she shoved the vial away and examined the journals filled with unusual runes and languages. After a period of fruitless searching, she went upstairs to her bedroom and called out to Emma, "I need to shower and get dressed. It seems we'll have to go see Rumpel, after all. I'm not sure I'll be able to cast a spell without it having some more damning consequence."

It was incredibly uncomfortable for Emma on several different levels as she walked into the bathroom meant for guests. The sight of her reflection startled her for a split second before she realized it was her, and she glared at herself. Her face looked grizzled with blonde stubble, her strong jaw was emphasized and her features were definitely masculine. The only thing that remained the same was her eyes, and she sighed as she dropped her clothes. "I can't walk around commando," she said to herself, as if talking aloud would help her think. It didn't hurt, but in her current state it was… peculiar, to say the least. Almost like having a conversation with a stranger.

Impulsively, Emma picked up her panties and shut her eyes, focusing entirely on the fabric in her hands as she pictured what she wanted. When the familiar tingle of magic shot through her, she released a heavy breath and opened one eye to peek at the result. "So I still have magic," she breathlessly whispered. At least that was something. Regina's spell hadn't affected her powers.

Emma stepped out of her sweat pants for a second time without looking and quickly pulled on her new white cotton boxer briefs. Only then, once she was fully covered, did she glance down. The blonde let out a strangled cry of, "Why won't you go away!" As if her new anatomy could give her all the answers. Instead it just remained there, straining against the snug fabric, but at least it was kept in place, and once she pulled her sweat pants back on, she was happy to discover it was concealed too. At least she could walk around without the added embarrassment of worrying about _that._

Completely intent on ignoring it, Emma opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out some cotton pads and antiseptic liquid then turned towards the mirror. The cuts and scrapes along her arm had stopped bleeding but they looked messy regardless. Quick fingers turned on the hot water and she filled the sink before dipping a face cloth into the water. Emma washed the dried crimson of her skin then sloshed the cotton with the antiseptic liquid. The first touch caused a snarled hiss of pain to squeeze out between her clenched teeth, but she carried on until she was done. She stepped back to grab a towel to dry her arm and blinked. Could it…? She pulled the waistband of her sweat pants out and glanced down, then grinned. "Yeah you didn't like that, did you?" She said smugly, and sauntered into the bedroom just as Regina began to strip.

Regina undid the buttons on her pajama top and slipped off her flannel bottoms. "Get ready," she sighed. "I'll only be a moment in the shower and then we'll go. Rumpel will know how to handle this."

"Rumple, seriously? I thought you said you could undo this?" Emma waved her arms towards herself, even as her eyes trailed down Regina's back and lingered on the shapely hips and perfect roundness of her-

The bathroom door shut with a click and Emma jolted slightly. She felt the telltale stirrings of pressure and shut her eyes. Then she groaned low in her throat like a whiny child and grimaced. "Not again!" Emma sat heavily on the edge of the bed and placed her hands on her knees. She took several deep breaths then shook her head. "Alright, let's do this."

Several minutes later and the sounds of heavy panting interspersed with the odd grunt and groan filled the bedroom. A faint sheen of sweat covered Emma's body, and she bent forward slightly with a gasp. "Just a little more…" The muscles in her arm strained and her hand threatened to cramp from her grip. "That's it…" She husked, her tone laced with excitement. Then, with a slight thrust forward, the wooden beam slotted into place and the bed frame stood proudly once again. Emma stood up and wiped her hands down her pants with a look of pride on her face, then she removed the moisture from her brow with the back of her hand. "So…" She panted quietly, and peeked inside her sweat pants again, "Manual labor kills the mood too. Good to know."

No sooner did Emma finish "killing the mood" than Regina paraded across the bedroom in nothing but a towel; she approached Emma and stood on her tiptoes to kiss the blonde, although she hesitated for a moment, wishing that her true love was in true form. "Thank you for fixing what you broke," she murmured.

Emma understood Regina's initial reluctance to touch her. Hell, she wasn't even ready to glimpse at herself fully, she couldn't imagine how weird it must be for Regina to look at her let alone kiss her. Though she did grin brightly, a combination of being thanked, feeling proud at pleasing her wife by fixing what she could, and the kiss because that was the second in two days. With the added bonus of knowing the second one wasn't even about manipulation. Really, when there had been nothing for ten months, Emma saw it only as a good sign. "I know you adored that headboard." Emma mumbled softly as if to explain her actions. "I'll paint it to match the rest later, but for now at least it's back in one piece."

"I appreciate it," Regina breathed. "And I'm going to try to do the same with our relationship. I'm hoping there's a way to repair it, in spite of what I've done. If in the end you don't forgive me..." She let her voice fade, unable to consider what the consequences would be; she needn't know what the future would bring to guess that she'd act drastically and on impulse, but she wanted to believe that she would be capable of overcoming instinct, in favor of embracing rationality.

Regina looped her arms around Emma and hung on, staring deeply into Emma's eyes.

As Regina's arms secured around the savior, and the fresh scents of soap that clung to her skin invaded her senses and Emma couldn't help the way she inhaled deeply. "Hey…" Emma's voice was a low, husky rumble as she bent forward to wrap her arms around the small woman and pull her close; it felt strange to have Regina pressed against her muscled chest, even though it felt like the most natural thing in the world to be holding her. "I might not know what's happened but I do know part of being human is doing some extreme things when we're afraid. I mean, we've all done things we aren't proud of, but it's not what defines us, it's what we choose to do after them. Right? And you, choosing to try and fix this, trying to open up to me? That's what counts, Regina."

Regina's eyes were soft and full of doubt, but she shut them and concentrated on the comfort of being in Emma's arms. She wanted to believe Emma, but how could she when the savior didn't have the whole story? 

* * *

><p>AN: So it's pretty clear by now what Regina did, although Emma's very slow on the uptake and the temporary distraction caused by Regina's magic kept them from fully getting an opportunity to discuss it. But now is a good time to say there's multiple secrets she's been keeping, and the second won't be revealed until later, although there have been hints.<p>

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing, especially to people who have come back several times - casrinator & RavenLClaw, and probably a few of our guests. Your feedback is important.

I also want to address a few comments we received about Emma and Regina's behavior. I'll just say, the fight that took place in the last chapter is the first time Emma has stepped up to defend herself in months. So, yes, the last chapter might have been painful & there's certainly more angst ahead, but there will also be humor/romance, and this is ultimately about Regina and Emma reconnecting, in spite of their serious trust issues.


	5. Chapter 5

Emma lowered her head to rest her chin on Regina's shoulder as they embraced, and tried not to nuzzle because she knew the stubble would irritate the woman's skin. "I can't promise you that I wont be upset at first, or that I won't need time." She whispered, then sighed softly. "Because I don't know what the big secret is, but I _can_ promise you that I will try to be understanding and open minded. Okay? No running away. We fix this together, as a team." She'd fought a damn dragon, they'd jumped worlds with beans for fucks sake, they literally moved the heavens to block out the moon. Together they could do anything. Even get past whatever had happened.

Regina winced as she withdrew from Emma, uncertain that the savior would come through on her promises. She went over to her closet to find a turtleneck and a pair of slacks.

Outside, a light dusting of snow covered the ground, and if she meant to go consult with Rumpel, there were two reasons to avoid her usual plunging necklines: foremost, the cold, and secondly, her wife's insatiable libido, further complicated by the fact that Emma appeared to be uncomfortably and now _visibly _aroused.

"I'm going to change now. You can watch if you like, but I'm not sure I would be doing you any favors," Regina remarked, then quietly added, "_Unless_ you would like me to do you a favor, but I think that's off the table for now."

Given the delicacy of their relationship, sleeping together would be unwise; but if this happened in better times, Regina would have agreed to help with Emma's needs, since underneath it all, she loved Emma for who she was and what she identified as - a strong and independent woman. Not that she would have despised Emma if the savior had been born a man or had chosen to be one, but she'd never given it much thought before.

Emma only gaped at Regina and blinked.

"I…" Seriously, why did knowing she could watch thrill her so much? Emma shook her head and focused on the rest of what was said, and frowned down at herself in frustration. "Are you kidding me?" She hissed, and though it wasn't _that _obvious through her pants, she could feel the difference. "You…" Emma swallowed thickly and arched her eyebrows in surprised bewilderment. "Uh, no, you're right, you don't have to do that."

Before her new anatomy could protest, she announced quickly, "I'm going to make us some coffee." Then vanished out of the room like a bat out of hell.

Regina glanced back at Emma's retreating figure, and absently ran her hand from her sternum down to her waist as she stood dressing in front of her floor length mirror. She put on her turtleneck and slacks, and examined her appearance, suddenly relieved that Emma denied her after all. She knew that taking such a major step would involve having a discussion, either beforehand or afterwards, and she wasn't ready to talk. There was too much to explain, too many nuances to what she had done, and too much history that she would rather forget.

True to her word, Emma did indeed put on a pot of coffee. Then she ventured outside to stand in the freezing cold. Snow crunched under her boots, and her arms instinctively wrapped around her midsection as her skin prickled with goosebumps, but she refused to go back inside so soon. It didn't take very long for the blood to circulate elsewhere as she began to shiver, and Emma let out a thankful sigh.

Regina stared into her own hollow eyes, not for the first time feeling as though she was facing her own worst enemy in the mirror. With a sigh, she left the room and went downstairs, where she saw Emma from the window; she threw on her overcoat, grabbed a blanket and went outside. "What are you doing out here without your shirt on? Are you alright?"

Emma was several steps from the back door when it opened, and though she was surprised to see Regina and the blanket she carried, she didn't comment on it. Instead she shrugged lightly and inhaled a deep breath. "Just getting some fresh air while waiting on the coffee," she rumbled softly with a slight smile. "I'm fine, but I do need to find something to wear." Emma arched her eyebrows slightly as she ushered the brunette back into the kitchen and shut the door. "Do you mind pouring me a cup while I find something?"

There were plenty of tank tops and sleeveless shirts to choose from, Emma realized minutes later as she glanced over her clothes, but they weren't suitable to wear alone in the winter months. The sweater she tried on just wouldn't fit her shoulders, and the one that did? Couldn't stretch around her biceps. On the bright side her old sneakers fit like a glove. It took her a moment before she realized she could use magic, and rather than toss out her ripped shirt, she mended it to fit her new measurements. Emma quickly pulled on a black tank top which, admittedly, fit rather snugly but she couldn't deny the extra muscles weren't half bad. The blonde brushed her short hair with her fingers then pulled on her shirt. Careful fingers buttoned it as she jogged back down the stairs.

Regina poured a tall mug of steaming, black coffee and used the hot drink to warm her hands. She went into the living room, set the mug on the low table and took a seat to wait for Emma. As soon as the blonde came into view, she stood up, handed over the coffee and watched as Emma took her first sip of the scalding coffee. "It would be faster if you drank that in the car. I know you'd rather not go out in this condition, but no one has to know, except you, me and Rumpel."

The grimace Emma wore had nothing to do with the coffee and everything to do with the notion of leaving the house. "Yeah, about that, can't you just call him and have him stop by?" The slightly hopeful look on her face changed to puzzled as she tilted her head slightly to look at Regina. "Everyone will know if I go outside. Storybrooke doesn't get visitors. Unless you mean you can use a spell to glamor me so that everyone else sees the real me instead of this me?" The idea of more magic made her uncomfortable but not nearly as much as being seen by her son, or Ruby, for that matter. The waitress would never let her live it down.

"He's annoyed with me," Regina huffed. "He won't even answer his cell phone, not that he really knows how to use it. The Evil Genius can't even handle speed dial." She started to bundle up only after Emma finished downing the coffee; she put her coat back on and wrapped her scarf snugly around her throat. "First of all, I'm not even sure it's possible to put a glamor on you. And second, I'm not going to use more magic, on the off chance that I might permanently alter you in some way. My magic isn't functioning as it should be right now. I can feel it. And don't even think of suggesting that I go alone to Rumpel's, because he won't be interested in helping me…"

"Yeah, _no_. I don't want to be permanently altered." Up until that point Emma had been pretty easygoing with the change because she knew it would be fixed, but if Regina couldn't do it then Rumpel really was their only hope. "I wasn't going to suggest that." Emma retorted with the kind of attitude that better suited a teenager. Damn right she was going to suggest it! Except now she couldn't. "Well can't we go later, you know, when it's dark outside?" When people were likely tucked away in the warmth of their homes, eating or catching up with people after work. That perfect time of day when the streets were vacant.

"Just who do you think is going to recognize you when you look like that?" Regina asked in exasperation. "You can hide in the backseat, if it helps." She grabbed Emma by the elbow and attempted to drag the savior up from the couch, but to no avail. "I feel like I'm dealing with Henry right now, only bigger and stronger. Please get up and let's go." She moved towards the door, giving up her pointless efforts and trying to think of better persuasion tactics. "If you go out and warm up the car, I'll make your favorite for dinner tonight, and I'll even let you eat in the living room in front of the television."

"Well I don't know…" Emma mumbled and crossed her arms huffily. It amused her to see Regina try to man handle her up, especially when she leaned her weight back against the couch like a stubborn dog refusing to go for a walk in the rain. "I _really _don't want to." Emma grunted, and she didn't care how she looked as she jutted her chin out. Confident in the fact that she'd made her point, Emma faltered at the mention of Regina cooking for her, and hummed low in her throat at the bride. Dinner and free reign to watch anything she wanted as she ate? That was the kind of special privilege she just couldn't allow herself to pass up. With a heavy sigh, Emma pushed herself up and declared dramatically, "Fine, but I want dessert too."

"Then dessert you shall have," Regina purred at Emma, then gave her a scrunchy-faced smirk, and reached out to touch a muscular bicep, gently squeezing in mocking encouragement. " I thought I turned you into a _man_, not a three year old."

Emma rolled her eyes and held her hand out for the cars keys. Then, with a slow, deep breath, she opened the front door and wandered towards the Mercedes. Except, she never quite reached it. Ten feet from the car, the blonde let out a roar of surprise and fear as the tree closest reached forward and snared her around the waist. Her flailing stopped only when the branches fully restrained her, at least twenty feet in the air.

The only thing that had stopped Emma from screaming had been Regina's parting words as she left the house. She wouldn't ever consider herself easily manipulated, but the brunette had a way of subtly getting into her mind. No, she wouldn't scream, but she would snarl like a trapped animal, viciously trying to get free. The more she struggled, the more the tree reacted. "When I get down from here…" Emma vowed darkly to the branches wrapped around her, "I'm going to get a chainsaw, to cut you _down_."

Regina had lingered in the foyer to fix her hair, but when she heard the noise from outside, she rushed down the front walkway without bothering to close the door behind her. She gaped up at the tree that was shaking Emma around like a maraca. "No... no! Stop this!" she yelled at the branches, but when she got closer, they obediently lowered Emma to her level, though they continued to hold on to their victim. "Are you hurt?"

In all honesty, Emma wasn't sure if the tree began to lower her first, or if she heard Regina first. Either way, relief washed through her veins but she wore annoyance like a new fragrance once her feet touched the ground and the branches remained around her. "Only if you count my pride," Emma muttered, then shook her head. "I was hurt worse by the hedge, but that was when I was trying to get in." The calmness she projected threatened to crumble, but Emma squared her shoulders as best she could and quietly demanded, "What the hell is going on? Why is the foliage attacking me?"

"Did you start threatening it before or after it scooped you up?" Regina delicately touched sap on the tree branch, where it looked as though the oak was breaking into a sweat from all of its vengeful exertions. "The trees here are connected to me... but I'm not sure why this one attacked you."

"Yeah, I came out here and decided to just trash talk it for kicks as I walked on by," Emma said dryly, since she couldn't quite believe that Regina was even asking. However, the scowl on her face softened as watched the brunette inspect the tree. "That stuff better not be on me or I'm serious about that chainsaw." She'd like to keep her clothes from looking like hand-me-downs that had been dragged through a bush. It was bad enough she was a man, she didn't want to look like a filthy one on top of it.

Regina picked a broken twig out of Emma's short hair, and gingerly wiped some dirt from the savior's nose and masculine jaw. "I suppose it's always been temperamental." She mused quietly. The tree released Emma then, and stood up to its full height, as if offended by Regina's choice of words. "Perhaps it was just trying to keep you from leaving," she frowned, and bent down to help Emma up from where the blonde had tumbled onto the pavement. "The sooner we go see Rumpel, the better."

Whatever snark Emma might have been about to say died on her tongue as Regina rubbed dirt off her face and cleaned her up a bit. It was silly, really, how such a simple, almost insignificant act showed tenderness. "Well it's not the boss of me." She sucked in a deep breath as the tree righted itself and she turned to flip it off even though it couldn't see her. Emma paused with a perplexed look on her face, then shook her head. "I'm arguing with a damn tree. Well, now that I'm pissed, yeah, let's go see Rumpel." The agreement was settled with a nod as Emma stalked towards Regina's car. "If he doesn't have answers, he'll at least have shears."

The tree batted at the back of Emma's head as soon as Regina moved off in the other direction and couldn't see the attack take place.

The smack to the back of her head made Emma stumble forward slightly, and she spun quickly to watch the branch retreat with her teeth clenched. "Oh, you're going to regret that…" She seethed quietly so that Regina wouldn't know, and stomped off after the brunette as she rubbed the back of her head to soothe the sting.

"I planted most of these trees myself," Regina sighed. "I've always thought of them as my protectors." She opened the back door for Emma and then got into the driver's seat, where it was already warm and toasty. "Perhaps, if he can't change you back, he can use the shears you mentioned to give you a trim. Your five o'clock shadow is already coming in - " She regarded Emma in the rearview mirror as she backed out of the driveway.

The quip about facial hair evoked a glare from Emma. Though as Regina drove, she found herself looking in the mirror as she ran her fingers across the underside of her jaw and down her cheeks. Well, maybe there was truth to that statement after all. "If Rumpel can't fix this…" The blonde paused, because she hadn't thought very far ahead, beyond the knowledge that it could be reversed. "Then I'll shave when I get home," she finished moodily.

When they arrived at the pawnshop, Emma sat quietly and looked around to make sure nobody was around, then husked softly, "Okay, let's get this over with so we can go back home." With a slight push, she opened the door and stepped outside, then absently held the door for Regina as she breathed in cold winter air.

With her shoulders held high, Regina entered the shop and stalked towards the glass counter where Rumpel sat in the midst of bookkeeping; all he needed was a quick glance at the look on Regina's face to know she wouldn't be turned away. "What is it now, dearie? I gave you my advice, and you chose not to listen. It saddens me. You decided to act without consulting your wife, and so prematurely at that..."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Emma stated from behind Regina, and stepped to the side so she could eye Rumple suspiciously.

Regina slammed her hand down in front of Rumpel to shut him up; he hadn't realized there was a man standing awkwardly behind his bad-tempered pupil.

The sound of the brunette's palm against the counter echoed around the room and despite her size, Emma tensed, only to frown and sigh when Rumpel began looking her over.

He cleaned his glasses and then squinted at the stranger, taken aback by how much he resembled Emma; then he burst out laughing and slapped his knee in amusement. "Is that who I think it is? How did this happen?"

Dread washed through Emma's system, and even as Rumpel asked, the blonde groaned.

"A book," Regina spat, gripping the showcase hard enough to turn her knuckles white. "It was among the magical artifacts in my mother's estate. It's several centuries old. I started to cast a spell, and before I knew it, all of the pages were empty."

"Nobody will know it's _you_, she said. Who would recognize _you_, she said." Clearly in a state of mixed anxiety and aggravation, Emma began to pace back and forth as she absently scratched at her stubble. If Rumpel could see it was her chances were so could everyone else. Unless, he took a guess based on Regina's urgent mood? One glance towards Rumpel and Emma knew it had nothing to do with that. "Look can we make this quick? I don't want to walk outside for everyone else to see me and know it's me."

"Quick? I'm afraid not. What do you mean, _all of the pages_?" Rumpel's sense of humor drained from him along with the color in his face as he stood up to look between the two women. Well, former woman and former student. "Do you remember anything at all about what that book contained? I'll need to see it, of course, in order to understand what kind of mess you've made. Need I remind you that all magic comes with a price? I'd have thought you would have learned that already. Yet here we are again… Old habits certainly _do _die hard, don't they?"

Emma bristled instantly, her feet carried her to the desk in three strides and this time it was her palm that struck the counter with a bang. "Hey, you do _not_ talk to her like that," she all but shouted, and the look on her face was almost a dare. "Can you change me back or not?" she spat.

Rumpel waved his hand, both to silence Emma and to return her to true form, but his magic fizzled and popped with no more power than a dud firework. He gritted his teeth together in anger and spun towards Regina, who was standing behind Emma with her head down. "This is not a simple glamor," he grunted. "What did you do?"

"I don't know," Regina caustically replied, chopping her hand in the air to emphasize each word. "The spell book wasn't one of yours. I'm not sure where my mother got it… or what else has been affected by the magic that came from it."

"There are certain spells that can only be undone by the caster or the one afflicted," Rumpel huffed. "My magic will do nothing to solve your problems. You will have to work this one out between the two of you."

Alarmed by the fact that Rumpel, The Dark One, couldn't fix her either, Emma's wide eyes turned slightly glassy as saltwater filled them. Though she shook her head, blinked it away, and fought the rising panic like a surfer about to get wiped out. "So if your magic doesn't work, and Regina's is acting strange, what you're really saying is _I _haveto work it out?"

Jesus, that was daunting. She could do basic stuff, some cool stuff, but when it came to _big stuff_? More often than not it was a combination of her own magic infused with Regina's that got the job done. Their own combined power. The brunette had the skill and Emma? Well she was like the energy source. This wasn't meant to happen. She wasn't meant to be stuck like this. Oh god, _why_ was she stuck like this? How long could it possibly last? How was she meant to do her job, see her family, live? "It's temporary right, maybe it'll wear off, like a twenty-four hour thing?" she suggested hysterically.

Rumple's face softened as he took in the sight of Emma's waxy complexion, her anxiety plain as day on her masculine face. "I wouldn't count on it. Magic isn't like a common cold. Your immune system isn't going to fight it. You can't just sweat it out."

"So what are you saying, I could be stuck like this indefinitely?" Emma hadn't meant to shout, but her voice rose along with her panic and she almost looked crazed. "Why is this happening to me?"

Regina placed her hand on Emma's shoulder in reassurance; she was responsible for the savior's current state and wished her magic would cooperate long enough to reverse her incantation. "I will be able to fix this. Right now my energies are depleted, but time will restore them. It may take a week or two..."

"A week or two? So, I'm having a what, mancation? You need to tell everyone I'm sick, I can't be seen like this, if _he _knew it was me everyone else will!" Two weeks? She hated the idea of having to shower, use the bathroom, shave her face instead of her legs (actually that didn't seem like such a bad trade off) - but everything else? Emma sucked in a slow deep breath and tried to find comfort in Regina's hand on her shoulder.

Regina's lips puckered in a wince. "I will fix this, and let me worry about how to deal with everyone. In the meantime, you can pick up where you left off with your magic training. Even if you aren't able to change yourself back, it's important that you learn how to control your magic in the long run. You've wholly neglected your studies over the past few years."

"Yeah well, the past year wasn't exactly like you wanted me around, figured that applied to magic lessons as well as everything else," Emma muttered under her breath.

Rumpel tapped his cane on the floor and then sat behind his register, glaring at his own student of magic. "Perhaps if you focused on teaching her, you wouldn't have run into the trouble you did, dearie. The predicament that almost ended your marriage could have most certainly been prevented if she had better control over her... gifts."

Rumpel's words caught Emma's attention and her head snapped up to direct her piercing gaze towards him. _"What predicament?"_ The blonde's jaw tensed as she turned to frown at Regina, and then back to Rumple. "Are you saying that our marriage falling apart was _my fault_ because I'm a novice at _magic?_" Emma laughed, actually laughed, because she felt like she was losing her mind. Trapped in a nightmare she couldn't wake up from. "So what did I do, huh? Because I don't remember screwing anything up with my _gifts_," she seethed. It felt like Rumpel was judging her, and Emma was instantly defensive. "My attempts at cooking, maybe-"

"_Screwing_ up?" Rumpel sniggered, as if enjoying a private joke. "If only you knew. But it's up to your... _a-ha_ - wife to enlighten you. Don't look to _me _for answers, though I am glad the two of you are working on resolving your differences." He strolled off into the back room, leaving Regina to her task of dealing with the impossible savior.

"You're lucky you're Henry's grandfather," Emma grumbled as Rumpel walked off, and she narrowed her eyes as she watched him go. Rumpel was a bastard, but he'd grown on her, and whether she liked to admit it or not she knew he liked her too. They were family.

"Just ignore him," Regina commanded. "He has no idea what he's talking about." She latched onto Emma's arm and tried to direct the blonde to the door, although pushing and pulling were ineffectual. "And when did you ever cook? Burning toast and microwavable popcorn _does not_ count. Let's go back to the house," Regina suggested. "I'll call your father and ask him to step in as acting sheriff while you... recover. But you know your parents will want to see you before the weekend is over. Otherwise, they'll think I've buried you underneath my apple tree-"

"You know, I'm getting really sick of being shut out of the loop, does he know what happened? Am I the only one who doesn't?" Emma ignored Regina's attempts to change the subject and refused to move. Perhaps the added weight of muscle and bone wasn't entirely bad if it meant she could stand rooted to the spot as the woman tried to drag her along. "I tried to cook!" Emma snapped back, "You banned me from it! And anyway, the breakfast I made you this morning was fine, did you even try it?"

"I was worried and lost my appetite." Regina tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear and refused to meet Emma's eyes. "Please notify your parents."

"I'll text David and tell him I'm taking this week off to work things out with you, and I'll ask him to keep Snow out of our way. Might have to bribe her by agreeing to go see Archie but it'll buy us time." Emma rubbed her palm across her grizzled cheek and let out a huff of breath. "If I'm stuck like this for two weeks I need to buy things, like a better razor or else I'll shred my face off. I also need underwear. Actually, clothes in general, because I am _not _changing all of mine, and beer, because I could _really _use a drink."

With that said Emma pointedly looked at Regina, and then made her way back outside. The slightest flurry of snow had begun again and she crunched her way across it to slip into the passenger side of Regina's car.

Regina followed with her hands thrust deep in her pockets and her head down. "We'll stop at the store on the way home and I'll get you whatever you need."

Not only did Regina buy the beer and razor blades, but she also picked up Emma's favorite foods to snack on, the toothpaste that Emma preferred, and a few other treats and surprises that she hoped would distract the savior from the subject that she was terrified of discussing. "Tomorrow I'll go shopping for clothes. It won't be hard to figure out what styles will look good, considering you've always dressed rather like your father..." She parked in the driveway and then went up the walkway, carrying the bags from the town drug store.

Emma got of the car and glared at the tree as she walked by it, in return it rustled its leaves, and she growled low in her throat. Oh, she was _this close_ to taking an axe to it. Though she new her anger was misplaced, and formed from fear and frustration due to the new body she currently wore like a suit.

"Go and relax," Regina instructed. "I'll bring you a cold beer?"

"Okay," Emma grunted at Regina, and wandered into the living room after she kicked her boots off. When she sank heavily into the couch she tried to force herself to relax, but she couldn't. So she did the next best thing, and grabbed the remote for the television. Typically she'd watch survival shows, sports, wildlife programs or movies. Right now though she found herself flicking past the usual things that brought her distraction and settled instead on one of the UFC matches. Two grown men beating the shit out of each other while locked in a cage was exactly what she needed. If she couldn't scream and fight herself, she'd just have to watch them go at it.

In a hurry, Regina disappeared into the kitchen and slipped on her apron - she diced up tomatoes and avocados to make a quick dip, then put together a plate with chips and popped the cap on a cold beer. With all of the refreshments in hand, she headed into the living room, prepared to turn around and begin cooking the dinner.

The sight of Regina in an apron momentarily caught Emma's attention and she took the beer and the plate of chips and dip with a grateful sigh of, "Thanks." That was all she managed to say before her thirst won out, and she tipped her head back to chug most of the bottle without stopping to breathe. She felt a droplet of liquid run down her chin and she wiped it with the back of her hand as Regina sat down.

Regina hadn't realized she was sitting, but before she knew it, her hand found a resting spot on the savior's thigh and she whispered out, "I'm still not ready to talk about it. I don't even know where to begin, quite frankly. But this is a good place to start… It would be nice to spend an evening together without fighting."

Emma's frustration threatened to flare but she couldn't find it within herself to get pissed off when Regina was at least trying to be honest with how she felt. "Maybe you're right," she rumbled instead, and let her gaze land on brunette. "A nice evening together might be a good start." It couldn't hurt, that was for damn sure.

Emma set her bottle on the table, making sure it landed on a coaster, and then offered the plate to Regina with a casual, "Want to share?" as her gaze landed back on the television.

"UFC fighting?" Regina frowned. "I see you've made the total transformation." She sensed the warring emotions in Emma, saw it on her face, and released a breath she didn't know she had been holding. Nevertheless, she settled herself against Emma and tried to find a comfortable spot.

Regina leaned forward and took a swig of the beer. The drink had a bitter, unpleasant taste, but she wanted to be numb to the edge of fear that she felt serrating her. She slipped her hand into Emma's as they sat together, and pulled a throw blanket around them. "It wasn't your fault," she told Emma. "I just want you to know that. All of this time you've been blaming yourself and it wasn't you."

"I've done some terrible things, but this was the worst of all," she sighed out, then handed off the beer to the man who was so close to her; his hair smelled like Emma, but the coarse stubble on his chin rubbed her skin raw when she reached out to touch it lightly with her fingertips.

Truth be told, the blonde wasn't entirely sure how to respond to the little nuggets of truth Regina kept offering her. On one hand she felt intense relief to know she hadn't done something wrong, because if she had, and couldn't even work out what it had been, what the hell kind of person did that make her? On the other hand… "When you say stuff like that, it frightens me."

It wasn't an easy thing to admit. All the years she'd known Regina she'd never once looked at her and saw The Evil Queen. She was always, and would always be, Regina to her. That didn't mean she was ignorant of what she'd done back in her land. On the contrary, she was fully aware, and _that_ was why Regina's warnings scared her. If a woman who had slaughtered en masse thought whatever she'd done was _the worst thing_ she'd ever done, then it must be something heinous.

With anxiety in her chest, and her eyebrows knitted in thought, Regina stared at the television and saw nothing. Emma's confession stole her breath away, but she needed to be level headed if she was ever to discuss what happened. "What do you want to do tonight?" she whispered. "I'm going to make dinner and then pop in the shower. I didn't have much time earlier and I now smell like avocados. "

"I'm not sure, maybe we could watch a movie or something?" Emma said offhandedly, because it had been so long since she'd actually been welcomed or wanted in the house that she was unsure what they could do together.

Regina gave a slow nod and a half smile, and as promised, went off to make dinner - all of Emma's favorite comfort foods, including tiny grilled cheese sandwiches, baked macaroni and cheese, chicken smothered in barbecue sauce, and apple turnovers served with vanilla ice cream. "Everything you love," she said, as she set down two plates in front of Emma.

Emma had finished off another two beers and was encouraging one guy to hit the other as she leaned forward to rest her elbows on her thighs. However she sat up straight as soon as Regina walked in and gawked at the two plates of food. It was on the tip of her tongue to say she'd never finish it all but as Regina said those three simple words, she silently vowed that she'd try. "Yeah…" she whispered back, but her gaze was locked on Regina's, and it was clear she wasn't talking about the meals the woman had made. Everything she loved was standing right in front of her.

"I'll leave you to it, then," Regina smiled warmly. "I'm going to get into the shower, or I'll smell like cheese and spices all night long."

"You know there are worse things to smell like…" Even as Emma said it, she knew Regina would roll her eyes.

Regina did indeed spare a moment to roll her eyes, and then hurried off to tend to her needs, while Emma bit into her first bite of gooey grilled cheese.

Her appetite had always been healthy. She could pack away food like a bear about to hibernate, but Jesus Christ, she couldn't get over how fast she devoured everything, even when all that was left were the plates.

"I'm a bottomless pit," Emma said to herself, then took the dishes into the kitchen and washed them all, including the pots and pans Regina had used, because it was only fair. Then, with a rather loud belch that she was secretly proud of, Emma grabbed the only plate she hadn't washed, and added a scoop of ice cream to it. With her dessert in hand, she returned to the living room to wait for Regina.

When the brunette sat down next to her, Emma was lost in thought, her fingers running along the stubble of her chin. Regina was wearing a robe, a towel wrapped around her hair and a confused expression. She tried unsuccessfully to read the expression on the blonde's face.

Emma snapped out of her daze and handed Regina her plate, with half an apple turnover on it and the scoop of ice cream. "I saved you some," she said with a slightly bashful look, then cleared her throat. "Dinner was fantastic, and the dishes are all done. I'll be back in ten minutes. Time to get rid of this." Emma pointed to the hair on her face with a slightly perplexed look.

True to her word, she returned ten minutes later, with only a few tiny cuts to her cheeks and chin, but at least her face didn't feel like sandpaper any more.

While Emma went to take care of her own evening routine, Regina sampled the ice cream and relished the tart but sweet taste of her apples, spiced with cinnamon and ginger; she had a spoon in her mouth when Emma returned from shaving, but she put it aside.

Both of her hands roamed, touching Emma's fresh face, and her lips hovered a scant inch away from her lover's soft pout. She stole a kiss, and her cold fingers trailed from the underside of Emma's chin all the way down to her rock hard chest, hidden under flannel. Without invitation, she slid onto Emma's lap and undid the towel that secured her hair, then shook out her dark locks.

Laughter quietly bubbled up Emma's throat as Regina leaned in to feel the smoothness of her face. "Not gonna lie, I think I stood for two minutes just touching my face after I shaved." That was a weird thing to say aloud, but no weirder than the fact that she had practiced first by shaving her chest, because there was _no way_ she'd be able to feel normal if she had to look at it every morning when she woke up. The idea of hair poking through her shirt was equally jarring, so it had to go. Now she felt more comfortable in her skin. Well, new form, really. She returned the chaste kiss and let out a slow breath as Regina's hands slid across her shirt. It was hypnotizing, really, the way Regina shook her hair out and how the fresh scents that clung to her engulfed Emma's senses.

Regina's eyes were blacker than a moonless night, and her lids were heavy with curiosity. "You... smell the same. Even if you look different." She laid her head on Emma's shoulder and listened to the tick of the savior's heartbeat.

For a second Emma couldn't find her voice, and so she nodded instead as her hands moved to the small of Regina's back. "Good to know something hasn't changed." She murmured back, and the corners of her mouth tugged into an almost lazy grin. As Regina pressed her cheek against her shoulder, Emma leaned back and brought one hand up to splay between the brunette's shoulder blades.

"If I'm making you uncomfortable, I can sit on the far end of the couch," Regina quietly offered.

Emma's fingers absently massaged across the fabric of the brunette's robe as she stated, "I'm fine, you can stay where you are. Have you thought about what kind of movie you want to watch?" Given that she'd had free reign all day with the television, the least she could do was let Regina pick something.

Regina raked her fingers through Emma's cropped, sandy hair and expressed little interest in the prospect of choosing a film to watch. She took the remote because Emma expected her to make the selection, but all she did was press a button at random and let fate decide. "This…seems alright," she muttered noncommittally and lowered her head back to Emma's shoulder.

"Yeah," Emma agreed quietly, despite the fact that her eyes were shut as she enjoyed the light scritching of nails against her scalp. Though she wouldn't say it first, the blonde had missed this. The comfortable way they fit together, how everything felt right again just because her arms were around Regina. It made her feel strong, like she could do anything, while at the same time she felt vulnerable, raw and exposed, as if someone had stolen the top layers of her skin.

Emma's palm began to rub slow, warm circles against the soft fabric covering Regina's shoulders, and she knew the heat would transfer through to the smaller woman as she lowered her chin to rest lightly against the brunette's damp hair.

With Emma's hand on her back, Regina allowed herself to fully relax for the first time since the incident that had torn them apart; her muscles unwound and she became soft, pliant in Emma's arms. Hard to believe that the night before, she would have done anything to get Emma to leave their home.

"Were you ever unhappy in our marriage? Before... everything changed between us." Regina warmed her freezing hands underneath Emma's shirt - she had a hotter temper than the savior, but Emma's blood ran hotter than hers, and she was feeling a bit chilly. When she glanced back at the screen, she realized she had chosen a comedy that Emma and Henry watched together in the past, but Emma didn't seem to be paying much attention to the television.

"Not for a second." Emma's response was honest and automatic, though her breath hitched at the sudden sensation caused by cold hands pressed against her stomach. After the initial shiver, she grew accustomed to the feeling and carried on. "I saw us growing old together. Raising Henry to be a good man, sending him off to college, driving you crazy by messing with you when he's out of the house. I saw us hosting dinners for our family and friends, laughing over all the shit we'd been through, and embracing the fact that had it not went down the way it did, none of us would be here right now, you know? I saw us camping, and swimming in the lakes at night like a couple of teenagers, having midnight picnics. Probably getting shit from Ruby if she'd caught us under the full moon. I saw us tackling any problem life threw at us. I guess what I'm trying to say is I saw us being happy." Emma paused to nuzzle against Regina's damp hair and whispered softly, "I still do."

"You do?" Regina rarely thought that far ahead, but as she listened to Emma describe their future together, she decided wholeheartedly that she wanted that life and that she'd never have it. She'd gone too far in keeping her secret, and had violated Emma's trust in ways the blonde might never forgive. "I was pregnant." She tearfully spluttered. Her shoulders shook violently from the rashly made declaration, and then she withdrew from Emma, climbing off the savior's lap as fast as she could manage.

"You were _what_?" Emma whispered, but Regina rushed away in tears and she was sitting alone by the time she got the words out. The warmth and comfort she'd felt moments before had been replaced with a coldness that left goose bumps on her skin. Regina had been _pregnant?_ "How?" she spat out, then doubled over to grip the back of her head as she pressed her face against her knees, a mixture of anger jealousy roaring to life as she thought of someone else touching Regina. Who the hell was he? Did she see him every day? Had she terminated when she realized or had she… Lost it… Oh god, had she wanted to keep it?

Regina ran up the stairs to shut herself in her room, where she sat hunched over in bed. Tears rolled down her cheeks and bathed her neck; she choked on the salty drops and the aching sobs that filled her belly and mouth, cries that made her teeth chatter and all of the blood rush to her face. She held a pillow, but her arms were too weak to clutch it and she let it go.

The power flickered and went out, but whether from the storm outside or from her magic, she didn't know. In the darkness, she was still and quiet. Her tears came in a silent gush.

Emma got to her feet and took the stairs three at a time as the power cut out, but as her anger threatened to consume her, she faltered.

Regina _had not_ lied when she'd stated she'd never slept with anyone else last night. Which could only mean one thing… And Emma wasn't sure if she knew what it was.

Perplexed and shaken, the blonde opened the bedroom door and closed it quietly behind her. "Regina…" Emma's voice was barely audible. "How is that possible?"

All of the little comments from Rumpel, everything that Regina had said that morning, swirled around in her mind until- oh fuck… _Oh fuck!_

Emma swallowed thickly, and blindly reached out to grab onto the bedside cabinet. "M-my magic?"

The snowstorm brought a gusty breeze along with it, and the branches of the enchanted tree scratched at the window, as if asking to come in from the cold. "It must have been the weekend we went away to Boston," Regina sniffed. "Do you remember?"

The weight of Regina's words were staggering. Emma swallowed thickly as she remembered their trip. It had been there one year anniversary. They'd been so in love, so wrapped up in one another, a family. Brief flickers of memory, of how she felt during their first night as they'd celebrated their love by making it. "Yes." It was barely a sound let alone a word. She sank heavily onto the bed without even trying to steady herself as a heavy numbness took hold, and she tried to process it all.

Regina shut her eyes tightly against a fresh flood of tears, although it made no difference, given that the room around them was pitch black. She reached out for Emma and her hand clutched the savior's loosely, gathering strength from it. "I didn't realize at first," she rasped out. "I kept getting sick, but why would I assume I was pregnant? It wasn't until a few months later that I found out. Rumpel told me we were expecting, and he warned me that the pregnancy could have unforeseen consequences."

She didn't know how to continue, but her voice picked up momentum like the wind, and she groaned out, "I Killed Her. Out of fear. I didn't even think about it. I just acted…"

Her hand fell away from Emma, and then she curled in on herself and wept.

"Rumpel knew this whole time?" Emma frowned. "Am I that unapproachable?" Would she have stopped Regina, if she had known? Wasn't it the woman's choice whether or not to keep the child? Emma believed so, hell, she'd given her own child up for adoption, she'd been there with fear, and that was without the added complication of magic.

Irrational perhaps, but knowing that he knew, while she'd spent months in the dark, it felt like a knife to the gut. "Fear?" Emma's mind was struggling to comprehend everything, and though it was pitch black, she still turned to face Regina as she asked in a broken whisper, _"Her?"_ How did Regina know that? Did she get an ultrasound? Was it just a feeling? Emma's breaths were shallow and fast, and though she understood that she was starting to hyperventilate, she couldn't seem to control it.

She needed to think. She needed to work out her emotions. She needed Regina. Emma curled up on her side and wrapped her arm around the tiny woman to pull her closer, desperate for comfort as much as contact.

Emma held onto to Regina as she tried to breathe, and out of all the important questions, the only one that left her mouth was the most absurd. "But... How? Does that mean I need to wear latex gloves when we have... ?"

Regina let out a soft, disheartened sob at Emma's stupidity and shook her head. "What was on your mind that night in Boston?" she asked distraughtly. "Tell me exactly what you were thinking, because it was your emotions that caused it. You... wanted to expand our family? Is that it?"

"I-I don't remember." Emma forced her eyes shut and pressed her face against the back of Regina's shoulder. "Just the feeling. Family." Children hadn't been on her mind, at least she didn't think so, but for a woman who had spent her entire grown up life feeling like an orphan stuck in an adult's body, family meant everything to her. "What? No I… I mean I don't think…"_Had she been thinking about having another kid?_ It raised questions Emma wasn't entirely sure she was ready to ask herself. Did she want another child with Regina? If it was something that Regina wanted… Would she say yes? A small voice in the back of her mind supplied the answer, but she ignored it for now.

"You... don't remember much at all about that time, do you?" Regina's voice rose lightly as she posed the question cautiously.

"No I… I don't remember." How could Emma see the signs when she was oblivious to what was happening? She listened to Regina cry and felt torn. How was she supposed to mourn for a little girl she'd known nothing about? How was she supposed to feel? Right then all she felt was conflicted, and oddly… relieved… to finally know what the fuck was going on.

In her emotional state, Regina had managed to hold onto clarity, but the rational part of her mind was no longer overruling the reckless personality that seemed to take over whenever she was at her most vulnerable and wanting for options. She abruptly shifted in bed to tug at the savior's pants and boxers. "Take these off," she impulsively requested.

"Wha-? Oh." Emma was snapped out of her thoughts by the hands tugging at her waistband. Caught off guard and flustered by the sudden shift, the blonde only managed to hold onto her boxers as her pants were pulled down. "Regina I uh…" Despite the darkness in the room Emma suddenly felt very exposed as she fumbled, embarrassed. "I don't think you want to do that."

Regina froze in a moment of fleeting doubt, but then her hands were back on Emma's hips and she was yanking at the last barrier that lay between her and skin. "I want to," she stated, sliding her fingertips up and underneath Emma's shirt, pushing it away from a smooth, hard chest. "It won't be the same as always, but you're... still you, no matter your shape. This is... another opportunity for us. A chance for you and I to create something... good. I have to believe any child of ours will be good, Emma. I condemned the last before she even got the chance to be anything at all, without even realizing how much I wanted her..."

Emma was grateful for the dark. It stopped her seeing herself as Regina removed her clothing. The woman's words floated around in her mind as she whispered back, "We have plenty of time to talk about it, if that's really what you want, we can talk about it okay?" It was strange the way her skin warmed, Regina's hands on her chest felt so familiar and yet so new against her.

Regina pulled her shirt off over her head, and settled down on top of Emma, her warm breasts pressing against a toned abdomen and pecs. Her mouth went to Emma's neck, where she left warm and wet kisses underneath the blonde's jaw. Then her palm flattened over flesh, which reacted to her touch - she raised goose bumps in a path down Emma's thighs, and her fingers coiled around a part of her lover that didn't exist before. "Tell me what you want."

Emma swallowed thickly as the scent of Regina's skin teased her senses, the warm, wet kisses across her throat made her pulse race. Her breath hitched as she felt the brunette's fingers trail up her thigh. "Only you, Regina." The words were barely out before the brunette's hand found the one part of her new body she'd yet to even look at. The sensation caused her toes to curl and her thigh to twitch, a rumbled groan echoed within her chest as her hands found Regina's shoulders to hold onto. Emma fought to keep her focus as she looked back at her wife. "I want us to be back together. So if we do this, it means no more lawyers, no more divorce." There wasn't any other option in Emma's mind, she needed to know for sure that they'd be on the same page.

"No lawyers, no divorce," Regina vowed. "We'll ... have a fresh start." She could feel the affect she was having on Emma, as the pliant flesh in her hand became rigid and unyielding, and she stroked it to attention. With one careful maneuver, she slipped off both panties and pajama bottoms and straddled Emma's lap, letting her heat surround the part of Emma that throbbed to be inside of her. She made no move to gratify its arching, probing demand, but instead concentrated on keeping their bodies separated, though nestled together. Breathy, quiet moans left her lips as she teased herself on Emma, ensuring an almost painful arousal for the savior. In the back of her mind, she knew their conversation wasn't yet at an end, that she had more to disclose - but all thought abandoned her as she kissed Emma hotly, her tongue entering Emma's mouth as she let the savior enter her - a just barely there admittance that ached as much as it felt good.

Between Regina's words and her building arousal, Emma knew this was as much a distraction as it was a desperate need to connect. To find solace in one another, to belong once again to each other, and she couldn't find it within herself to deny or hide how much she wanted that. A groan forced its way up her throat as Regina settled against her lap and Emma's hands weaved their way down the brunette's back to grasp her hips. Every breathy moan from Regina was met with one of her own until their lips met and the slightest shift from Regina evoked a quiet, startled grunt to escape her mouth. Emma's fingers tightened around the brunette as she froze for a second before instinct caused her hands to wander. Her large palms splayed against Regina's rear and squeezed as Emma's lips parted to deepen the kiss. The noise she made as her hips pushed gently upwards an inch or two was positively guttural, and she moved one hand to press between Regina's shoulder blades to pull her against her chest. _"You're so warm,"_ Emma whispered drunkenly with arousal.

Regina rolled her hips downward, taking Emma deeper between spread legs; her back flexed as she held onto her true love and began to rock steadily, pushing Emma through her tightening, smooth opening and all the way in. Her raspy moans caught in her chest, as she lowered herself towards Emma, angling their joined bodies to make Emma's thick length easier to accept. "It feels better than I expected it to," she panted. "Are you worried you'll hurt me?" She felt Emma's hands land on her ass and she gave a soft whimper of approval, taking it as a sign of encouragement. She quickened her movements, sliding Emma in and partly out, overwhelmed by the sensation of being full. She thought of Emma's fingers and the way they fit perfectly inside of her, and how in every way, the savior seemed to be a perfect fit. "Don't hold back..."

The noise that erupted from Emma as Regina slid the length of her inside was deep and throaty, and all she managed in agreement was a long, "_Mmmm_." In all honesty Emma hadn't been sure what to expect, she just hadn't expected it to feel quite so good. Pale fingers gripped Regina tighter as Emma took a moment just to relish the sensation of the warm, velvety wetness that surrounded her. In the haze of pleasure as Regina began to move, Emma belatedly registered the brunette's words, and husked out slightly embarrassed, "I am a little, yeah." Though at the encouragement given, and taking it as permission to give into the desires coursing through her system, Emma hooked one hand under her true loves thigh while the other splayed between her shoulders. Strong arms cradled Regina as Emma smoothly transferred the woman onto her back, keeping their bodies pressed together as she settled partially on her knees. "Is this okay?" Emma asked, her lips grazing the underside of Regina's jaw. The blonde placed heated kisses interspersed with gentle nips from her teeth down Regina's neck and nuzzled a naked shoulder as her hips began to move. Slow, tentative, half thrusts as Emma learned how to work her temporary form. She raised herself up onto her elbows to press her forehead against Regina's; her eyes searched the woman's face in the darkness, "Am I hurting you?"

Regina wrapped her legs around Emma's waist and lifted her pelvis to meet the blonde's careful but forceful thrusts. "God, no." Her lips parted in a breathless moan and she raked her short nails up and down Emma's back, cutting skin. "We haven't done this in a long time," she sighed out, feeling her body tighten around Emma, spasming unexpectedly.

"Emma," she cried into the crook of the blonde's neck, but continued to push herself up to take in all of her lover. She linked their fingers together, whimpering throatily from the powerful release that was followed by another. "Don't stop until it hurts." She grabbed Emma's backside and held on, wondering what it would feel like when the blonde came undone. "I want this to be... good for you."

Emma hissed as pain and pleasure mixed into one, the sharp sting burned and throbbed along her back and she gasped in response, only to groan out, "Too long." The muscles along her arms and back tensed when she felt Regina clench around her, and she subsequently began to move with more vigor. "Far. Far. Too. _Long_." Emma punctuated each low, growled out, word with a hard thrust as both her arousal and confidence grew. Regina's request was met with a whimpered moan as Emma buried her face against the woman's neck, kissing and nuzzling as she panted out gruffly, "I love you." When Regina's hands ventured lower to silently encourage her, Emma gave into her baser instincts and began to move faster, with more force behind each roll of her hips. Her breaths became shallow as soft grunts left her lips, and her hands tangled in the sheets. Emma sank her teeth into the fleshy apex of Regina's neck with an animalistic growl of, _"Mine."_ her teeth and tongue worked together to leave her mark behind but Emma's jaw went slack the moment her abdomen and thighs tensed, an alarmed, "Regina?" left her throat seconds before a guttural sound of startled pleasure. Emma's hips forced themselves against Regina the second her pulsing release wracked her body and she clung to the brunette beneath her.

Regina sank back against her pillow, but loosely held onto Emma's elbows as the towering figure in the bed came crashing down against her, relaxing in her arms. She guided Emma's head to her chest and pulled the blankets around them, intending to sleep. "I love you," she echoed, and she could feel the evidence of it in the way their bodies met, and in the renewed heat that poured through her. "I want to have a child with you," she whispered, her throat clamping around the words. She still sounded young, girlish even, like the foolish and hopeful thing that deluded herself into believing she could ever run away from her past and her mother. Her eyes glistened and she rustled Emma's short hair, missing the thick curls that used to wind around her fingers.

It wasn't until dawn shone through the blinds that she blinked awake, startled to find David and Snow standing at the foot of their bed, with Ruby in tow. Emma was still very much asleep and wrapped protectively around her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> Kea, thank you for your lovely review! And yes, LOC, Emma is a man - but it's not permanent.  
>Apologies for the delays in posting this. One of us has been very sick.<p> 


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